Love You Some Rondo

Brokeass video! For no goddamn reason!

Posted by BA Brokeass.

Dunks & Punks

Straight outta the quaint suburban hood called Cleveland…

And James Johnson was never heard from again.

But when you look at it from another angle a different story is revealed.

And James Johnson was never heard from before. You can’t dunk on what never was.

Fat crackhead.

Posted by BA Brokeass.

Mean-Muggin’ It

Look at that picture.  According to ESPN, that picture is supposed to be evidence of how the Cavs are all business this post-season, as opposed to their light-hearted (gay) demeanor all season long.  Now they’re “focused like never before,” as evidenced by their “playoff glares.”

Please.  That picture looks like the poster for some low rent production of “Of Mice And Men” starring Shaq as ‘Lennie’ and Antawn Jamison as Lennie’s younger, even more retarded brother ‘Jeebus.’  I’m not buying it.  It’s weak sauce and ESPN shouldn’t be selling it.

But this is just part of ESPN’s ongoing suckjob on Lebron and the Cavs that is only gonna get worse as the Playoffs continue.  Spare me.  Spare us all.  ESPN trots out one of these ‘Lebron and the Cavs are so intense this post-season’ pieces every year.  Just shut up about it and win a ring already so I can start following Australian Rules Football instead.

Yeah, what a bunch of hardasses.

Posted by LA Dubbs

Wha’ Happened?

Old bones collide.

The Playoffs are here and the high-seeded Phoenix Suns are losing to a lower-seeded team.  Gee, what a surprise.

The 3rd seed Suns dropped their first game at home against the 6th seed Blazers who are missing their best player in Brandon Roy, not to mention Greg Oden, Joel Pryzbilla, Bill Walton and Jerome Kersey.

Why do I feel like I’ve seen this movie before?  The Suns have a great season and show up in the Playoffs only to have their asses handed to them by a team that plays defense.

And without the injured Robin Lopez, the Suns are small and soft.  Every time the broadcast cut to their bench, I kept wondering why assistant coaches Bill Cartwright and Dan Majerle didn’t just suit up and get in the game.  They’re both around the same age as Juwan Howard and Grant Hill, aren’t they?

Steve Nash is a great, Hall Of Fame player and he has had a fantastic, eye-opening season, but watching him play defense is like watching your grandparents fuck:  it’s disgusting, you worry someone’s going to get hurt, and you can’t help but feel like you could do it better.

Thank you… Goodnight!

Posted by LA Dubbs

I ♥ Quentin Richardson

KG throws some 'bows (and shits his pants???).

At the end of Boston’s  Game 1 victory over the Heat on Saturday, Kevin Garnett was ejected for throwing an elbow at Quentin Richardson during a scrum after Paul Pierce fell to the ground with a shoulder stinger.

KG claimed that Q-Rich was standing over Pierce and he was just trying to clear some room for Paul.

Q-Rich saw things a bit differently:

“I was trying to get over there to take the ball out of bounds and [Garnett] started to talk to me, so I talked back. I don’t have any business talking to him, he was on the ground crying. I don’t know what was going on, two actresses over there, that’s what they are.”

‘Two actresses’!!!  I think I just fell in love with Quentin Richardson.  The kind of love born out of a sense of deep respect between two men.

Quentin (my new life partner) wasn’t finished though.  Speak on, Q!:

“I just get surprised by people’s actions when I know them better than that. They’re not those characters they portray. They’re not who they say they are, Garnett and Pierce, they’re good basketball players and that’s about it.

“I said to Jermaine, he’s OK because I knew nobody touched him,” explained Richardson. “Is he taking another break like he does so many times? Sometimes he falls like he’s about to be out for the season and then he gets right up, that’s all I said.

“I don’t like them, and they know it.”

Good stuff.  Welcome back, Playoffs.

The league suspended Kevin Garnett one game for the elbow.  But I’m sure Rasheed Wallace will pick up the slack.

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Or not.

Posted by LA Dubbs

Kenyon Martin, April Fool

Hi, my name's Kenyon. I like pranks, cool tattoos and violence.

Our old friend Kenyon Martin found himself the victim of an April Fools joke and, surprise of all surprises, he was none too happy about it. During Thursday night’s Nuggets-Blazers tilt, former Nuggets ballboy Laquan (nice!) Johnson entered the club’s locker room, took K-Mart’s keys and filled his Range Rover with buttered popcorn (hilarious!).  Bonus: K-Mart’s Range Rover has a white interior (so classy!).

K-Mart responded with his usual mix of level-headedness, diplomacy and restraint, storming into the locker room and “spewing profanities and threats at teammates and other members of the organization”:

“That ain’t no [expletive] joke,” Martin said. “I’m going to find out who did it … put my [expletive] hands on one of y’all. I’m going to put my hands on whoever did it. You better believe that. It’s [expletive] personal. You better believe it.”

Man, imagine if the popcorn had cheesy powder on it.  Bloodbath central.

Martin also added this gem:

“How ’bout if I don’t play in the playoffs until somebody tells me who did it,” Martin said more than once.

Promises, promises.  Martin has missed the last fifteen games with an injury anyway.  His fucking knees are made of buttered popcorn.  zing.

Laquan, next time you want to pull a prank on a Nugget, pick on Anthony Carter or something.  You know, someone without a long and storied history of emotional tantrums and violent outbursts.  And maybe start a little smaller.  I find that the old glue-a-quarter-to-the-floor prank generally does not lead to threats of violence.  Although with K-Mart you never know.

Posted by LA Dubbs

Birdman Works It Out!

Here’s a piping hot Monday morning cup of strange for you:

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This video plays like an infomercial for weird, breathless man worship.  (Which is the best kind of man worship, by the way.)  It’s a paean to heroic manliness.  A saga of running up steps in the early morning, clad in all-white workout gear (the uniform of champions).

And trainer/hypeman Steve Hess… what nationality is this guy?  Australian? Pygmy? Mogwai? No idea.  All I know is that I want to break bread with him.  Sit over a meal and just hash shit out, y’know?  Get a little drunk, tell some stories.

FYI, I’m that guy sleeping while someone else is getting better.  Real talk.

Posted by LA Dubbs

White On White Crime

Lou Amundson and Kris Humphries duking it out for a spot on the All-American Cream Team:

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Everyone loses.

Posted by LA Dubbs

Brokeass Video: Deron Williams FTW!

Remember when I told you I’d deliver a brand new Brokeass video every Friday? Well I lied. It’s been weeks! And just when you finally got over the hurt here I am again with a brand new Brokeass video on a Friday. And I did it to teach you a lesson. That lesson is: People lie. And they let you down. And just when you get over the hurt they go ahead and reopen the wound. And it’s the most important people who burn you the worst; like your father or your lover or BA Brokeass. I would say I’m sorry, but the truth is this needed to happen. Because now you can get over what your father did to you. He’s just a man, and you’re not so perfect yourself. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re welcome. Now here’s the video:

Had to give the NBA some love after I bashed them so hard yesterday. I still got nothin’ but grandmotherly love for you, NBA.

Posted by BA Brokeass.

Josh Smith Touches On Mike Bibby

Admittedly, I’m a little late on this clip.  It’s from last week but it’s so gay, it defies an expiration date.  It’s preserved by gayness.  Or maybe it’s just nicely aged like a fine gay wine.  Mellow to the nose, a crispness on the palate, a clean, full-mouthed gayosity.  Or something.

In case you’re wondering, yes, this is a clip of Josh Smith lovingly caressing teammate Mike Bibby.

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Awk-ward.  What’s the opposite of ‘No Homo?’

When Mike Bibby complained to the coaching staff about his lack of touches, I don’t think that’s what he meant, Josh Smith!  Awww, we got ZING for days up in this mug!

I have no idea what the hell is going on here.  And clearly, neither does Mike Bibby… Or does he?

Sure, his words are saying no.  But there’s a playfulness in his eyes…. a coy, come-hither quality.  You see it.  Don’t deny it.

I, for one, do not want to live in a world where two teammates can’t engage in some heavy petting during a timeout.

Mike Bibby and his crew... not gay at all.

Posted by LA Dubbs