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Posts Tagged ‘Phoenix Suns’

Old bones collide.

The Playoffs are here and the high-seeded Phoenix Suns are losing to a lower-seeded team.  Gee, what a surprise.

The 3rd seed Suns dropped their first game at home against the 6th seed Blazers who are missing their best player in Brandon Roy, not to mention Greg Oden, Joel Pryzbilla, Bill Walton and Jerome Kersey.

Why do I feel like I’ve seen this movie before?  The Suns have a great season and show up in the Playoffs only to have their asses handed to them by a team that plays defense.

And without the injured Robin Lopez, the Suns are small and soft.  Every time the broadcast cut to their bench, I kept wondering why assistant coaches Bill Cartwright and Dan Majerle didn’t just suit up and get in the game.  They’re both around the same age as Juwan Howard and Grant Hill, aren’t they?

Steve Nash is a great, Hall Of Fame player and he has had a fantastic, eye-opening season, but watching him play defense is like watching your grandparents fuck:  it’s disgusting, you worry someone’s going to get hurt, and you can’t help but feel like you could do it better.

Thank you… Goodnight!

Posted by LA Dubbs

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In Sunday night’s Spurs-Suns game, with 45 seconds left and the Suns down two to the Spurs, Phoenix steals the ball and Jason Richardson is off to the races:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Whoooops.  Why, hello there, Doctor Creamy Jeans!  Wha’ happen?

Now, look… this kind of thing happens to the best of us (which I guess explains why it’s never happened to me).  But given that this is a break-away, totally uncontested dunk by a two-time dunk contest champ that would tie the game in the closing seconds, we can derive only one conclusion, obviously using the most scientific of methods:  The Phoenix Suns cannot beat the San Antonio Spurs.  Ever. End of Story. Goodbye.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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The pre-game pose possibilities are both endless and terrifying.

The pre-game pose possibilities are both endless and terrifying.

It’s been a wild week in the NBA; so wild that it woke a sleeping Fennis from his summer’s slumber. “Zzzzzzzz…Huh? Shaq MMA fight?…Zzzzzzzzzz…Uh what? Fab Oberto a Piston?…grgh…Zzzzzzzzzzzz.”

What woke me for good was the sound of the giant, Shaquille O’Neal, fee-fi-fo-fumming his way from Phoenix to Cleveland in exchange for Big Ben, Little Sasha, and the 46th pick in a draft stocked with five quality players. In other words, Phoenix gave Shaq away for free. And why wouldn’t they? Big Grumpitude had his moments (most of them were in the All-Star Game), but ultimately failed to help the Suns rise. He is paid too large a sum of money to simply tear a team apart with menopause.

He will probably do well in Cleveland and likely be the piece that elevates them to the top of the East again. The over/under is three minutes on how long before Shaq uses his pairing with Lebron to call out Championship Kobe. When a Shaq puppet appears slanderously rapping about Kobe having small genitalia I won’t have to say I told you so. You’ll just know, and we’ll nod at each other.

Ben Wallace will retire to Phoenix just like many an old Jew. Did you ever think Ben Wallace would be compared to an old Jew when he was a 6’7″ center putting up Hakeem-like board and blocks numbers as the top defender in the league? When Big Ben and Shaq were battling down low late in the 2004-2006 playoffs, did you ever think they would both be involved in a two-team salary dump?

For Shaq, this is his last chance. For Wallace, it’s just his way out. A playmaking sharp-shooter like Sasha Pavlovic actually might thrive in Phoenix, but that’s a story for another post. You can expect that post approximately…never. If you’re even interested in that post I want you to leave this site forever.

Look at Kobe all pretending not to listen.

Look at Kobe all pretending not to listen.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Please drop his ass.

Please drop his ass.

Shaquille O’Neal is having quite the year. From becoming a twitter superstar to feuding with Stan Van Gundy to reliving the non-existent good ole days with Kobe at the All-Star game to shouting down his teammate Robin Lopez to having a restraining order slapped on him by a female rapper from Atlanta, The Big Annoying has been busy. Now, with the season still going on, even though his Suns have been mathematically eliminated from the Playoffs, Shaq seems to be pushing for a trade to Dallas.

With the Suns in Dallas earlier this week for a game that would decide their playoff lives (they lost), Shaq was twittering with Mavs owner Mark Cuban to set up a meeting and criticizing Suns owner Robert Sarver (while praising Cuban) in an interview.

This is gross. I know the NBA is a business and the players must look out for themselves but his team is still playing and Shaq is already jumping ship, dropping hints publicly about where he’d like to play next year (while apparently making moves privately) and throwing the guy who signs his paychecks under the bus. This is what Shaq does. He doesn’t just burn bridges – he torches the entire village first, then burns the bridge as an afterthought.

Congratulations, Shaquille O’Neal. You are A Fennis For Dembo’s SHUT THE FUCK UP! of the week.

In a precursor of things to come, Shaq does to Danny Ferry what he will do to the Suns organization.

Shaq does to Danny Ferry what he's about to do to the Suns.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Tonight, Denver’s Nene will finish up a two-game suspension for the following:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Oh look, it’s our old friend Lou Amundson. From the Zack Randolph incident? You remember. We’ve got the same crime, the same punishment…and the same victim. I know a case of battered woman syndrome when I see it and Louis Amundson, you’ve got one.

After the game, Amundson called Nene “a dirty player.” I wonder what he meant by that. Is Nene a dirty player like Bruce Bowen? Or is he a dirty player like Kevin Federline? Either way, when is Lou going to learn his lesson and stop chasing these bad boys?

My favorite part is the end, when Amundson misses both of the free throws. Why did he miss those freebies? Because he likes the abuse, and a true masochist receives no pleasure from consolation. Also, he’s a 46% free throw shooter. But mostly because he likes the abuse.

It’s a good thing Phoenix is going to miss the playoffs. Lou Amundson needs the whole summer to work out some issues, maybe meet himself a nice boy. Where’s John Amaechi when you need him?

Proof that homosexuality comes in all colors, shapes, and sizes.

Proof that homosexuality comes in all colors, shapes, and sizes.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Shaq-Fu lurks just below the surface.

Shaq-Fu lurks just below the surface.

I think he used the wrong choice of words. Flopping means that, hey, Shaq does that all the time. The rules say, you take it in the middle, you’ve got to fall back. And that’s what I did.

– Shaq, responding seriously to tongue-in-cheek accusations of flopping by Stan Van Gundy

Now I will respond to Shaq: No he didn’t. No it doesn’t. No they don’t. No you didn’t.

Shaq, it was you who chose the wrong words. Each and every thing you said was incorrect.

Shaq is turning into a grouchy old man right before our eyes.

What people are usually talking about when mentioning Shaq and flopping.

What people are usually talking about when mentioning Shaq and flops.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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