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Posts Tagged ‘Kevin Garnett’

KG throws some 'bows (and shits his pants???).

At the end of Boston’s  Game 1 victory over the Heat on Saturday, Kevin Garnett was ejected for throwing an elbow at Quentin Richardson during a scrum after Paul Pierce fell to the ground with a shoulder stinger.

KG claimed that Q-Rich was standing over Pierce and he was just trying to clear some room for Paul.

Q-Rich saw things a bit differently:

“I was trying to get over there to take the ball out of bounds and [Garnett] started to talk to me, so I talked back. I don’t have any business talking to him, he was on the ground crying. I don’t know what was going on, two actresses over there, that’s what they are.”

‘Two actresses’!!!  I think I just fell in love with Quentin Richardson.  The kind of love born out of a sense of deep respect between two men.

Quentin (my new life partner) wasn’t finished though.  Speak on, Q!:

“I just get surprised by people’s actions when I know them better than that. They’re not those characters they portray. They’re not who they say they are, Garnett and Pierce, they’re good basketball players and that’s about it.

“I said to Jermaine, he’s OK because I knew nobody touched him,” explained Richardson. “Is he taking another break like he does so many times? Sometimes he falls like he’s about to be out for the season and then he gets right up, that’s all I said.

“I don’t like them, and they know it.”

Good stuff.  Welcome back, Playoffs.

The league suspended Kevin Garnett one game for the elbow.  But I’m sure Rasheed Wallace will pick up the slack.

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Or not.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Nick Young smells it.

I know everybody’s all wrapped up in March Madness right now.  I get it.  Believe me, I like watching goofy white guys from schools I’ve never heard of located in towns I don’t believe exist jack up three pointers for forty minutes as much as the next guy.  And there’s nothing quite like the thrill of watching a better team with far superior athletes lose to a team that practices against stalks of corn because their coach had a massive brain fart and forgot about the existence of the full-court press.  Hooray.  But let’s talk about the NBA, where the most skilled professionals in the world make their home.  You know, players like Andray Blatche (whoops, there goes my argument!).

Blatche, he of the forever-looming upside, has been the lone bright spot in the Washington Wizards’ season from hell, averaging 23 points and 9 boards, while shooting about 50%, since the All-Star break.  It seemed like he was finally coming into his own.  But Tuesday night, while the Wizards were on their way to losing their 12th consecutive game, Blatche was pulled for missing a defensive assignment and afterwards refused to go back in the game, supposedly telling the coaches “he just didn’t want to play.”

Coach Flip Saunders (ugh) said it was “the most disappointed I’ve ever been in 15 years with a player.”

This is coming from a guy who coached Rasheed Wallace AND the Minnesota Timberwolves.  This man once started a backcourt of Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell.  He coached Stephon Marbury.  These guys are paragons of disappointment. Also, um… Flip Saunders had two players suspended for the rest of this season for GUNPLAY!  You would think that would be at least the most disappointed he’d been in a player this year.  But no, Andray Blatche is apparently more disappointing.  Congrats Andray!  You done did it!  Welcome to the All-Headcase Team!  You already know the team’s coach – it’s Flip Saunders!  (Seriously, outside of Kevin Garnett and Chauncey Billups, Saunders has basically made a career out of coaching – or not coaching, if you prefer – headcases.)

I think the worst part of this story is being forced to confront the fact that Flip Saunders has been an NBA coach for 15 years.  Jesus Christ, that shit is enough to make me want to watch college basketball.  Just kidding, guys!  I’ve got the fever too!  Just don’t forget, after March Madness comes April Sadness!  Whatever the fuck that means!

BBBBLLATTTTCHHHE!!

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Those days are gone forever. I should just let them go...

Fanhouse has a piece up about Jerry Stackhouse trying to play his way into shape and a meaningful role for the Milwaukee Bucks this season after missing almost the entirety of last season.  It’s basically about how this is Stackhouse’s last shot and he’s trying to make the case that he can still contribute before retiring.  I’m reading through it and I come to the following passage:

There are only six players still playing from that ’95 Draft [other than Stackhouse], and one of them is Milwaukee’s backup center Kurt Thomas. The only other guard still playing is Michael Finley in San Antonio. The others are Kevin Garnett, Rasheed Wallace, Antonio McDyess and Joe Smith.

This makes me feel really old.  Granted, all of these guys are older than me.  But not by that much. I used to watch all of them play college ball.  Besides KG, obviously.  And Kurt Thomas – I didn’t take in very many Texas Christian games, and watching Kurt Thomas play makes me feel like I just ate a bunch of turkey and sat down in my favorite easy chair in front of a roaring fire.  But I digress…

I remember watching Michigan in Juwan Howard’s last season beat Maryland and Joe Smith in the tournament.  It was a huge deal because all everyone was talking about at that point was Joe Smith. Remember when Stackhouse first came in the league and he was mouthing off about how the NBA was easy for him and he could handle Michael Jordan, then Jordan dropped 48 on him?  And remember when Sheed was that brash young player who couldn’t keep his mouth shut?  Now he’s that brash old player who can’t keep his mouth shut.  When did these guys get old?  I feel like these guys are my children and they’re suddenly all grown up.  My big, beautiful, black children. Is that racist?  All I’m saying is I feel a sense of ownership over these guys.  Wait, this isn’t coming out right…

All I’m saying is that it’s weird to consider having watched these guys from their pre-NBA days all the way through to their veteran-on-the-verge-of-retirement days.

Sorry if this post is depressing.  Here, let me make it up to you…

GREG ODEN’S PENIS!

There.  Better?  I thought so.

Those are just like the BOSS jeans you used to wear!

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Lebron’s winning shot from Game 2 of Cleveland-Orlando has been shown more times than Paris Hilton’s hoo-ha. If you’ve been under a rock (or in Paris Hilton’s hoo-ha), check it out:

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Huge shot, no question. Was it Jordanesque? It depends which Jordan we are talking about. It was reminiscent of the shot referred to (creatively) as “The Shot.” But that predates Jordan’s first championship by two seasons. In the time between “The Shot” and “The Ring,” MJ went from winning games to playing like a winner. Lebron will learn the difference eventually.

The #23 that won all those ‘ships could’ve hit that 23-footer, but he wouldn’t have had to. Because he would never let a 23-point home-court lead evaporate. And if, miraculously, he did blow that lead, after sinking the game-winner he wouldn’t look shocked by it. Even if he was stunned, he wouldn’t then run around like a crazed puppy/Glen Davis. He would pump the fist, nod to Oakley for setting the screen, and walk off the court. Same as any shot (minus the walking off the court part).

The first two games of this series really call into question the season-long lovefest between Lebron and his Cavlings. Chemistry is an important quality to find in balanced teams. Our recently deceased Pistons were friends and equal partners in success. San Antonio was the best squad of the decade thanks to a proportional attack. Most teams aren’t built that evenly. Jordan’s teammates feared him like the devil. Kobe Bryant, despite all his posturing, hates every person on the planet. KG makes his teammates cry. They are all champions.

Thanks to a decided lack of adversity during the regular season and first two playoffs rounds, Lebron has been allowed to act as benevolent king. Heading to Orlando at the disadvantage, we will now see if he can rule with an iron fist. All signs point to no. Cleveland didn’t defeat the Magic, Lebron did. A killer makes sure everyone recognizes that. He definitely doesn’t celebrate alongside the punks that almost blew it for him. My father never gave me a hug after bailing me out of a pickle. And he is required to love me.

After blowing two massive leads, someone needs to yell at these Cavaliers. At this point the King’s verbal wrath will do more damage than good. Game 3 could end up Cleveland vs. Orlando and a Delonte West pout session. Lebron has coddled these fools for too long and now he’s worried about upsetting his friends. What he doesn’t yet realize is that friendships are for the offseason (and gay poses are for the championship trophy presentation). The season, and especially the playoffs, are a struggle. If it doesn’t feel like all work, you’re probably not trying hard enough.

The Original 23 never had that problem. And he didn’t need to be called King for everyone to know he ruled the game. The Current 23, “King” James, can’t even keep his own house in order. For all his greatness, Lebron still has a few lessons to learn.

Hugs are for the mediocre.

Lesson 1: Hugs are for the mediocre.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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It's all hugs in Cleveland these days. Though this one's still a little creepy.

It's all hugs in Cleveland these days. Though this one's a little creepy.

Having floated on a marshmallow cloud through the first two rounds of the playoffs, it is reasonable to question how Cleveland will fare when finally tested. The more important question, though, is will they be tested? Atlanta played terribly and Detroit is terrible.  But the upcoming competition isn’t playing up a storm either. Plus, they are now fatigued from battling each other. Cleveland, meanwhile, has yet to play a single superfluous game.

Orlando can’t stop Cleveland and the Celtics won’t. Boston would not have topped Cleveland last year without home-court advantage, and they certainly won’t this year against a Cavs team that has won 43 of 45 home contests this year. KG or no KG, I’m sticking to that statement. No KG, home court won’t even be an issue. Orlando, as well as being weak-willed, does not match well with the Cavs. And they won’t know what to make of all that hustle. The whole team will look like Mo Williams watching Delonte and Kinsey take pictures at Lebron’s MVP ceremony.

How many games can either of these teams take? Two has to be the max, and even that number feels high. One sounds more likely. Zero is totally achievable. Lebron shares the glory with his teammates, not his opponents. Will the Eastern Conference Finals be a test? Only of basketball fans’ abilities to stay awake.

Which leaves us with the NBA Finals as the first potential test for the Cavs. We devoted a whole post to the havoc Houston would wreak on Cleveland. But that was with Yao Ming. The current roster, despite their last performance against LA, is far less scary. Kobe will need every ounce of energy he can muster to fight with Lebron for seven, and given the struggles he still has ahead of him, it is fair to question if he will have enough. And then there is Denver, the hottest team in the West right now. Ask Carmelo how confident he is about squaring off with Lebron every other day for a couple weeks and you won’t have to wait for the long pause, nervous expression, or flop sweat to pass. You’ll already have your answer. That Finals won’t take a couple weeks.

Cleveland is by no means unbeatable. They probably aren’t even the best. But testing them is about more than just favorable match-ups. Cleveland has two things going for them in any series: The best player and the most energy. Thanks to a perfect opening two rounds, Cleveland is perfectly healthy and perfectly rested. The best these others can muster doesn’t appear worthy of Cleveland at their best.  Cleveland can certainly be tested, they can even be beat, but they won’t be.

When the dust finally settles, only Lebron will be left standing.

When the dust finally settles, only Lebron will be left standing.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Is he crying again?  What?  He's celebrating?  I can't tell the difference.

Is he crying again? What? He's celebrating? I can't tell the difference.

By now we’ve all seen Glen Davis’ game-winning shot against the Magic Sunday night but let’s watch it again, for two reasons:  A) I have a point to make. B) We can make fun of him.  Hold on one sec.  Let me re-prioritize.  A) We can make fun of him.  B) I have a point to make.  There, that’s better.

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I could watch Davis knock that little kid out of the way all day.  It’s fantastic.  Fat little Magic fan.  And he’s a Ginger, too.  Serves him right.  Apparently, after he hit this shot, Davis was running down the court shouting, “They need to know about me!” at the fans.  Dude.  They already know about you.  Everyone does.  You’re that guy that cried on the bench after KG yelled at you.  The phrase, “Act like you’ve been there before” also springs to mind, but this is a man called “Big Baby” so I guess I shouldn’t expect too much.  People tend to grow into their nicknames.

Now here’s the point:  Pretend you’re a Celtics fan for a minute.  (Just go with it.)  It’s been a rough Playoffs.  You pretty much lost all hope for a repeat championship when Garnett went down.  Your Big Three are aging and you’re worried the window is closing.  But there’s a silver lining to that cloud in your coffee.  In the absence of KG, supporting players have been forced to step up big time.  And they’ve done it.  Your young point guard (Rajon Rondo) has elevated his play to the point that he must now be mentioned in the same breath with Chris Paul.  Kendrick Perkins has become the team’s defensive anchor.  And Big Baby has hit big shot after big shot.  The above video doesn’t show this but he not only hit the game-winner, he also scored on the Celtics’ possession before that to put them up by one, which was, at the time, just as big a shot.    Two huge buckets in a row.

I don’t know the Celtics’ contract situation next year.  (What do you want from me?  I’m not a fucking scientist.)  But if the Big Three come back healthy, Boston should put together one hell of a run.  Because guys that were only supporting players before have now learned what it means to be the ones counted on to win the game.  Kendrick Perkins and Big Baby and even, to a certain extent, Rajon, are always gonna be the younger siblings to KG and Ray and Paul.  But far less so after this Playoffs.  Big Baby may still act like a big baby, but he doesn’t play like one anymore.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Eastern Conference semi-finals:  Act like you know.  Eh, just act like you care.

(1) CLEVELAND CAVALIERS VS. (4) ATLANTA HAWKS

Nope. Too easy.

Nope. Too easy.

BROKEASS: Will this series even be televised?

DUBBS:  Everything Lebron does is televised.  He’s brushing his teeth on ESPN 12 right now.  In theory, the Hawks should match up well with the Cavs.  But this isn’t a theory class.  The Hawks first round series was uglier than Delonte West.  They are the type of team that can show up and take Boston to seven (like last season).  And they’re the type of team that can not show up and get taken to seven by Miami (this season).  If they pull their shit together, they have the talent to push the Cavs to seven.  But they could also lose in four.  Who knows which Atlanta team will show up?

BROKEASS: When we talk about teams that CAN win, it’s usually because they DON’T win. Nobody talks about Cleveland’s potential. We talk about Cleveland winning. And that’s exactly what we will be talking about during and after this series. Any Detroit Pistons can make it to the Playoffs, the second round is for contenders. Unfortunately, the Eastern Conference didn’t have enough of those teams, so the Hawks will be faking it for the cameras.

DUBBS: Well, at least we got Atlanta.  If Miami had won, all we’d hear about for the next week would be Lebron and Wade, Wade and Lebron.  What good friends and great competitors they are.  How they hang out together in the off-season and curl each other’s hair and drink miso soup out of each other’s foot-baths and have swordfights in the bathroom.  And the Cavs would have obliterated the Heat.  This series has the potential to be watchable.  Whoops, there’s that word again.

BROKEASS: I like the Hawks but those wayward souls make me uncomfortable.  Atlanta has no leader. Surprisingly, Josh Smith’s tantrums haven’t unified the team the way he expected. Lebron isn’t just the best player on his team, he is also the general they follow into battle. He takes all the guesswork out of the game, freeing a guy like Delonte up to do what he does best: Score the ball and look hideous (second Ugly Delonte joke, if you’re keeping score). Atlanta has guys that can score the ball – Six guys averaged in double figures. And guys that look hideous – I bet on Marvin Williams to win the Kentucky Derby (first Ugly Marvin joke, if you’re keeping score). But no one who takes care of all the other stuff that goes into winning. If scoring the ball and looking hideous was the perfect recipe for success, I’d be lacing up my Air Van Exels right now. But I ain’t. I wear $20 Starburys. Unrelated to winning.

DUBBS:  Atlanta might be motivated.  Joe Johnson needs to prove to people he’s just sleepy-looking and not actually asleep.  Josh Smith needs to prove he can hit that stupid between-the-legs dunk he missed so badly against the Heat.  And Mike Bibby needs to prove to Henry Bibby that he is worthy of his love.

BROKEASS: Newsflash, Mike Bibby: You’re not. Nobody is proving anything in this series, other than that time can move very slowly.

DUBBS: I’m gonna take a leap of faith and say Atlanta in 4.  Lebron is getting injured in Game One.  Shelden Williams is gonna do a run-in from the locker-room and take Lebron out with a chair while the referees are distracted.  Jim Ross will be apoplectic:  “Oh my god, it’s The Landlord, Shelden Williams!  He’s supposed to be on the Sacramento Kings!  He fooled us all!  The Landlord!”  And Shelden Williams will walk back to the locker-room with a smug look on his face and the Intercontinental Title Belt held aloft above his head.

BROKEASS: Just what the NBA needs – A Shelden Williams heel turn. Clearly the heel turn will be Lebron ripping off his Cavs jersey mid-series and joining the Knicks. I can already see Spike Lee cackling at confused fans on the Jumbotron. Just kidding – Boobie Gibson would be inconsolable. Seriously, Cleveland will win because this is basketball and the Hawks aren’t very good at it. Cavs sweep.

DUBBS:  I’m gonna go ahead and climb out on the really thin limb of this really tall tree during a windstorm and predict that Atlanta captures some of last year’s playoff magic and pushes the Cavs a bit.  Cavs in 7.

BROKEASS: If this series goes 7 I will gouge out my own eyes. The NBA: Where “Blindness” Happens.

(2) BOSTON CELTICS VS. (3) ORLANDO MAGIC

Basketball skills do not exist in this Dojo!

"I just wanna dance but the fat man in the turtleneck keeps shouting at me!"


DUBBS:  Can both of these teams lose?  That would be my preference.  I really like Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and Rondo.  But my hatred for Kendrick Perkins, Eddie House and the bench version of KG is so intense that it’s difficult for me to root for the Celtics.  On the other hand, I’ve made my feelings on the Magic clear.  They are powder puffs.  They should be embarrassed by their play against Philly.  I won’t root for them until they get some tough guys down there to play actual playoff basketball.  Where’s Charles Oakley when you need him?

BROKEASS: Oak’s working the door at Jordan’s Cinco de Mayo tapas party. The Magic could get him for a Manwich and some dignity. Lifetime contract. Boston vs. Orlando: First team to four losses gets to go home. It’s hard to bet against Boston, because this unit remains undefeated in a playoff series. But it’s hard to bet on Boston, because they haven’t shown any signs of being that good this Playoffs. It’s hard to bet on Orlando, because they are so…Orlando. And it’s hard to bet against Orlando, because, well, Dwight should be unstoppable. Though for every “Dwight should be unstoppable,” uttered before, there is a “Dwight should’ve been unstoppable,” to be mentioned after.

DUBBS:  Exactly. With KG out, Dwight should dominate every game of this series.  But you know he’s not going to.  He just doesn’t seem to be able to take a series over like that.  Having said that, this is where the thinness of the Celtics frontcourt with both KG and Leon Powe out is really going to kill them.  Will Kendrick Perkins foul out of every game before the National Anthem is sung?  They can’t slide Big Baby over and Scalabrine can’t cover Dwight.  The weight of the world truly rests on Kendrick Perkins’ shoulders in this series.  So at least the look on his face will finally match up.

BROKEASS: Boston’s thinness will be an issue. And so will its thickness. Big Baby can’t cover Rashard on the wings or Hedo up top. Scalabrine is the basketball equivalent to a designated hitter. The Magic frontcourt is a nightmare for healthy opponents, and the injury-depleted Celtics are struggling with even mediocre bigs. Rafer Alston is not the perfect substitute for Jameer Nelson ever, but he should have an easier time skipping to his Lou against Rondo than the stout, inflexible Andre Miller, leading to more drop offs for Dwight and kick-outs for the 3-ballers.

DUBBS:  I’m tired of hearing about Jameer Nelson. People talk about it like if he were healthy, the Magic would win 8 championships in a row.  Rafer might not be a perfect substitute for Jameer Nelson but Jameer is not a perfect substitute for an actual point guard.  Let him go play NBA Jam at the arcade with Nate Robinson.  I’ll up his allowance.  Still, Rondo is going to eat Rafer Alston alive.  By the end of this series, Rafer is going to be talking about retiring (again) and fighting Sam Mitchell (again).  Also, um, JJ REDICK IS STARTING!!!!  JJ Redick wouldn’t make the Celtics practice squad.

BROKEASS: JJ only starts until Courtney Lee gets home from allergy camp, or wherever the fuck they sent his sinuses. Wow. The Magic are in trouble. But so are the Celtics. This is the first series I can think of where absolutely no one can guard anyone else. I guess it comes down to a battle of masterful coaches. Anybody know where we can find any masterful coaches? Between having homes in Boston and Orlando and doing nothing in the first round, Doc Rivers should at least be well-rested. So that’s an advantage.

DUBBS: Courtney Lee’s coming back?  Phew.  Championship saved.  Stan Van Gundy will show Doc Rivers the real meaning of flop sweat.  It comes down to this:  If Orlando allows a team like Philly to hang around without delivering the knockout blow until it’s almost too late, how will they will deal with a team that fights tooth and nail for every game?  That’s what’s so impressive about Boston.  They never stop fighting.  They never give up. Boston won’t give Orlando this series.  Orlando will have to take it. And I don’t think they have the stuff to do that.  Celtics in 6.

BROKEASS: And yet the Celts had to settle for a split decision victory over the Bulls, a team that wasn’t even strong enough to wrestle the 6 seed from Philly while the 76ers were in an end-of-the-season coma. Neither team proved themselves deserving of more basketball: Orlando lacks the toughness and Boston lacks the muscle. If this was single elimination I’d pick Boston for their heart. Over a series, I think Orlando’s size will wear on them.  Magic in 6.

DUBBS:  Fans of the Magic would love that prediction.  Too bad they don’t exist.


Will Dwight Howard finally stop turning the other cheek?
Will Eddie House finally realize that hitting an open three-pointer doesn’t make you a tough guy? Will the Cavs bench finally realize they don’t get to follow Lebron to the Knicks? Will Kevin Garnett finally see video of his behavior on the bench and die of shame? Will Boobie Gibson finally realize that’s a birthmark on Delonte West’s face – not grape jelly?  Will Eddie House’s son finally realize his dad is a bit player in the NBA and not the hero he believes him to be?  Will Mo Williams finally realize its not an all-star slight if you’re not an all-star? Will Marvin Williams finally get braces to correct his wicked overbite? Will Stephon finally realize the Celtics organization is conspiring to hold him back?  Will Acie Law IV finally realize he’s the only Acie Law that matters? Will Mikki Moore finally realize he’s Busta Rhymes’ skeleton?  Will Marcin Gortat finally get the joke about how many Polish guys it takes to screw in a lightbulb? Will Flip Murray finally battle Flip Saunders in a duel to the death, winner gets to be an adult called Flip? Will Brian Scalabrine finally realize he’s Michael Rapaport?   Will Jeremy Richardson finally realize I don’t know who he is?  Will Mike Bibby finally realize he’s Eddie House’s brother-in-law and force his sister to get a divorce?  Will Doc Rivers finally realize he’s not a licensed medical practitioner? Will Stan Van Gundy’s moustache finally explode?  Will Kendrick Perkins finally figure out who farted?  Check back throughout the Playoffs for the answers to these questions – and more!

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