Posts Tagged ‘Utah Jazz’

Remember when I told you I’d deliver a brand new Brokeass video every Friday? Well I lied. It’s been weeks! And just when you finally got over the hurt here I am again with a brand new Brokeass video on a Friday. And I did it to teach you a lesson. That lesson is: People lie. And they let you down. And just when you get over the hurt they go ahead and reopen the wound. And it’s the most important people who burn you the worst; like your father or your lover or BA Brokeass. I would say I’m sorry, but the truth is this needed to happen. Because now you can get over what your father did to you. He’s just a man, and you’re not so perfect yourself. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re welcome. Now here’s the video:

Had to give the NBA some love after I bashed them so hard yesterday. I still got nothin’ but grandmotherly love for you, NBA.

Posted by BA Brokeass.


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After three more overtime periods last night, Boston vs. Chicago will officially be the longest series in Playoffs history. Game 6 might have gone even longer if it wasn’t for this play:

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It was the pivotal moment of the game and possibly the most exciting sequence of the Playoffs so far. But it was also a terrible basketball play. Joakim Noah does everything wrong here, and it totally works out right. First, he leaks out on defense, leaving his man alone in the paint. If Noah doesn’t make the steal, Boston has an easy dunk. Instead of moving the ball to the center of the court via pass, he takes a terrible angle and goes alone. John Salmons is following closely behind for an uncontested lay-up, but that doesn’t stop Big Jo from soaring like a broken-winged eagle from some inexplicable distance and throwing it down. I didn’t think it went in at first. It seemed impossible. Oh, it was possible.

Though I’m being critical of the play now, when it happened, I stood up at the random gay bar where I was watching and high-fived my new friend Hector. It was that kind of play, and that kind of game: I high-fived a gay guy named Hector who couldn’t have differentiated the Celtics from the Bulls from the basketball. It was a wildly emotional moment. And I shared it with Hector.

Those wild emotions eventually settled, though. And after watching highlights of each game in this epic series, I am always reminded: This isn’t good basketball. The beauty of this sport lies in its controlled chaos. This is just chaotic. Doc Rivers has done so little coaching in this series, I am demoting him to Nurse Rivers. Vinny Del Negro has done so little coaching in this series, I am making him repeat his Freshman year.

Will I watch Game 7? Of fucking course. This is the most exciting series of my lifetime. Even Hector will watch that game. I originally started this post attempting to make the statement, “If you aren’t watching the Celtics-Bulls series by now, then you don’t like _____.” I couldn’t come up with an answer. Suspense? Intrigue? Sweaty, muscular men in shorts? Because that’s what Hector liked.

Most importantly, I didn’t feel comfortable inserting the phrase ‘good basketball.’ I’ve had a great time with this series, just like everyone else, but in some ways it makes me long for Stockton and the Mailman. Sure, they ran the same play all day, but they did that because of its perfect design. See, I like good basketball. I love it, even. And I am aware of its presence without ever checking the score. Celtics-Bulls has been exciting, but after each of these games I ask myself: Was that a great game or was I tricked by the scoreboard?

"Seriously, you two do any less we're going to make you buy a ticket."

"Seriously, you two do any less and we're going to make you buy a ticket."

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Dunkmaster Flex

Dunkmaster Flex

Before the Playoffs began, I made the argument that Cleveland was so much better than everyone in their conference that they deserved a First Round bye. In watching the Cavs series against the Pistons, I realize they got one. And unless the rest of the East is playing possum, it appears no one else is going to challenge the supremacy of Lebron & Sons either (cue the Fennis Dembo Curse).

No one out west has done much to debunk the theory that the Lakers can already be penciled in as Cleveland’s opponent. But that match-up is so marketable and obvious it kills me. Literally. Lakercavitis is a painful killer that affects one in five basketball fans, and can be spread through anal sex and blogging.

I’m just not ready to concede the NBA to Kobe Bryant and Lebron James. Ready or not, that might be coming. But I have no intention of wasting valuable blog space on the sadly inevitable. Instead, let’s imagine the worst possible scenario for Lebron. That, my friends, would be this man:

"Lebron who? Sorry, I don't follow basketball."

"Lebron who? Sorry, I don't follow basketball."

The NBA is all about matchups. Look at Atlanta vs. Boston last year or Utah vs. Detroit since the beginning of time. No opponent should strike more fear in the hearts of Cav fans than Ron-Ron’s Rockets. In Houston’s 93-74 February home win, not only did they hold Cleveland to their lowest point total of the season, they kept James from dishing even one assist for the first time in his career and BROKE BEN WALLACE’S LEG!

I know what you’re thinking: Yao can’t hang with an agile 7-footer like Big Z for seven games. You’re right. No match-up is perfect. Obviously, I’m kidding. Yao is cumming hoisin sauce thinking about a Finals battle against cement-boots Zydrunas. All Yao did in that Houston home win was score 28 on 13 of 15 shooting. That’s only 10% worse than if no one was guarding him!

If Kobe and Lebron end up squaring off at the end, I’ll accept it. But the thought of King James fighting through Artest/Battier double-teams really gets my motor running. Lebron needs an arch-nemesis: A defender that inspires him to work to be better. Not to oversell it, but the next decade of professional basketball hinges on it. You know we’re in trouble when you read these words: Obi-Ron, you’re our only hope.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Aaron Brooks stays well-fed.

Aaron Brooks stays well-fed.

Rockets 108, Blazers 81: When I said Aaron Brooks was gonna eat, I was thinking a light meal. Y’know, soup, salad, maybe some breadsticks. But Aaron set up an all-you-can-eat buffet in the Rose Garden, going for 27 points, 7 assists and 4 rebounds as the Rockets destroyed the Blazers in Portland. Yao shot a perfect 9 for 9, scoring all 24 of his points in the first half as the Rockets came strong out of the gate. This was clearly a case of one team being ready and the other… not so much. I’m sure the Blazers will find their legs.

Hawks 90, Heat 64: This one surprised me. The Hawks were motivated. When’s the last time that happened? Last year’s playoffs, I guess. Atlanta held D-Wade to 19 points. I don’t see that happening again. If it does, this series is over. On another note, I take Josh Smith’s performance from the free thow line (5-6) as a personal insult. Josh Smith was on my fantasy team this season and was a disaster from the free throw line – lots of 1 for 7 performances.

Sixers 100, Magic 98: The Magic had something to prove in this game and they failed to do it. They gave up an eighteen-point lead at home to a crappy Sixers squad. I’m still sure the Magic will win this series, but they aren’t going anywhere this year, as usual. Magic = softbatch.

Nuggets 113, Hornets 84: Chauncey Billups had 36 points, hitting a career playoff high 8 three-pointers and still finding time to drop 8 dimes. Ouch. Meanwhile…

Cavs 102, Pistons 84: Lebron James abused Tayshaun Prince (what else is new?) for 38, 8 and 8 while Tay responded with 4 , 2 and 2. No single player can really hope to stop Lebron but it’s been clear for a while now that LBJ is inside Tayshaun’s head. The one ray of hope for the Pistons in this game: Stuckey scored 20 and played fairly well. Stuckey has to play well for this series to be worth anything to the Pistons.

Bulls 105, Celtics 103: Derrick Rose blew up for 36 points and 11 assists as the Bulls stunned the Celtics in OT. As predicted, the Bulls have come to play. But I don’t think the Celtics are in trouble. Yet. Rajon Rondo put in a good one with 29 points, 7 assists and 9 rebounds.

Mavs 105, Spurs 97: The Mavs were down 11 after the first quarter, but came back to win their first road playoff game in three years. Tim Duncan and Tony Parker played well. BUT THERE’S NOBODY ELSE!! Big win for the Mavs.

Lakers 113, Jazz 100: The Lakers were ready to go. No surprise there. The Jazz’ advantage at point guard was clear – Deron Williams had 17 assists – but it didn’t matter. Trevor Ariza had 21 for the Purp-and-Gold. And Kobe did this:

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Bulls-Celtics and Mavs-Spurs get their game 2 on tonight.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Go West, young man, and grow up with the country. It’s time for our Western Conference picks!


"Hey, Kobe! Tickle, tickle."

"Ronnie, I said tweak it and blow on it, not palm it!"

BROKEASS: Utah didn’t pick the best time to start playing their worst basketball of the season, but they should be better and I think they will be better. The Lakers clearly are better. In virtually every way. That being said, I think the Jazz are being prematurely written-off. Deron Williams is going to annihilate Derek Fisher and Utah is historically brutal for visiting teams. But those factors will only serve to delay the inevitable. Lakers in 6.

DUBBS: Utah has a lot of talent. And a good coach. And the most awful fans in the League. But they’ve been sucking it lately. And the Lakers are too good – easily the best in the West. Lakers in 4.

BROKEASS: Utah has some chemistry issues, but the playoffs can often resolve that. Ask Rasheed Wallace. Besides, Boozer, Memo, and Millsap need to have strong showings if they hope to earn big free agent paychecks. The Lakers are cocky right now, as the result of too many people declaring them de facto Champions of the West. I think they’re going to be tested.

DUBBS: The Lakers are too deep, too versatile, too good and too Kobe. The Lakers may be tested, but it won’t be by this mötley crüe. A team is not going to have an epiphany and suddenly find themselves while playing a juggernaut like the Lakers. They are going to suddenly find themselves getting crushed. And, as Cleveland found out, if you have to rely on Carlos Boozer, you’re in trouble.

BROKEASS: How dare you? Carlos Boozer is the type of guy you trust with your kids.


"James, I can feel the baby kicking!"

"James, I can feel the baby kicking!"

DUBBS: Denver can be an up-and-down team. But Chauncey will give them the stability they need in the playoffs. Chris Paul will certainly pose a lot of problems for him but he won’t abuse Le Chaunce the way he did J-Kidd in their matchup last playoffs. And Billups is too big for Paul on the offensive end. He should be able to get what he needs. Mostly, the Hornets are just way too thin. Denver in 5.

BROKEASS: Sure, Mr. Big Shot is nice, but what about Big Game James Posey? I think this series goes to 7 because, while neither team floors me, I like the clutchness of both. CP3 will be singularly good enough to stretch it, but not win it. Carmelo at the buzzer, Denver in 7.

DUBBS: Wow, you’re calling it down to the buzzer!? Neck tattoo to Neck tattoo. I like it. I don’t see it, but I like it. Also, Big Game James has to be the least-maintained nickname since Mr. Big Shot. Carmelo Anthony will roll right over him.

BROKEASS: Fine, forget about the dagger-thrower James Posey. Get ready for the epic resurgence of Tyson Chandler!

DUBBS: They sent Chandler to the OKC Thunder and the Thunder sent him back! They have like three guys on that team. Nothing but roster spots. And they returned his ass! One last reason Denver will win: The Birdman is gonna fly!


Who will survive the standing-8 count.

Who will survive the standing-8 count?

BROKEASS: This is one of those series where home-court doesn’t matter. And not just because the teams play down the road from each other. No two teams understand each other better than the Spurs and Mavs and I expect every game to be tightly contested. This battle won’t be as epic as previous ones, but it stands to be one of the better match-ups in a pretty weak crop of first-round pairings. In the end, I am picking San Antonio, because they just don’t know how to lose this early. Plus, my knees creak when I think about what Tony Parker is going to do to J-Kidd. Spurs in 7.

DUBBS: The Mavs are playing well. Dirk is Dirk. Jason Terry is instant offense off the bench. Yes, TP will undoubtedly torch Jason Kidd. But Carlisle has done a good job with Kidd this season. He’s hidden him well enough on D and worked him less on O, so he’s actually shooting the best he has in forever. And Jason Kidd is a lot of things but choke artist isn’t one of them. Ginobli is out. The Spurs ain’t winning without their Big Three. The Mavs have too much firepower. Mavs in 7.

BROKEASS: Dirk is Dirk, yes, for better and worse. Meanwhile, Timmy D is always Timmy D and that equals money in the bank. Rick Carlisle may be able to hide Kidd’s weaknesses, but not his own. Pop will straight-up father him. If these games stay close, and you know they will, are you betting the farm (ranch?) on the provens or the dis-provens? If Dallas was a youthful, athletic team I might pick them against the step-slower Spurs. But Dallas equals San Antonio in decrepitude. They expended too much fuel fighting for that 6 spot, and a half-tank of gas won’t get them out of San Antonio.

DUBBS: First of all, Dallas has beaten San Antonio before. Second, Timmy D ain’t always Timmy D. He’s aging. And without Manu there to extend and break down the defense, Dallas can key in on Duncan a lot more. Are Parker and Duncan gonna run pick-and-rolls every single play? The Spurs have two guys. That’s it. Are you really going to take Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Gregg Popovich’s pre-season beard against Dirk, Jason Terry, Jason Kidd, Josh Howard and a serviceable bench? And while I would never argue that Rick Carlisle is as good a coach as Popovich, he’s certainly a better coach than Avery Johnson. Everyone keeps saying you’ve gotta pick the Spurs until they lose. Well the Spurs have lost. Their supporting cast, like Manu’s hair, gets thinner every year. (The NBA: Where Zing! Happens.) Until they inject some young blood into that squad to support their Big Three, it’s over.

BROKEASS: You have no idea what Matt Bonner is capable of.


Fighting in party stores, fighting in the paint.

Big Tree Fall Hard.

DUBBS: I really like Portland. They’re a gutsy young squad, with one of my favorite players in the NBA (Brandon Roy), a guy I really want to see succeed (Greg Oden), and a good, tough coach. But… Houston is a really good defensive team. Ron Artest and Shane Battier are gonna eat these young boys’ lunches. The two-headed power forward beast of Luis Scola and Carl Landry will swallow LaMarcus Aldridge up. And while Yao has trouble against smaller, more agile big men like Amare, he’s gonna play really well against Oden and Joel Pryzbilla. Plus, Tracy McGrady’s out – another point in Houston’s favor. I want Portland to win. But I’m picking Houston. In 7.

BROKEASS: Yao will be the best big man on the court, but Portland has plenty of bodies to throw at him. Przybilla and Channing Frye are lacking individually, but combine to provide a nice complement of skills and fouls. I predict Greg Oden makes serious noise in these playoffs. Let’s not forget, everyone questioned him in college until the Tournament. Then no one questioned him. Some guys are just built for this shit. I think Yao might be the McGrady to Oden’s Tayshaun Prince. Brandon Roy will have difficult match-ups, but is another guy who seems built for the playoffs. He was born with a veteran’s swagger. This should be a solid series; each team holds a few advantages. Portland secured home-court advantage by winning one more home game than Houston, and that will be the same difference in this series. I want Portland to win too…And they will. Blazers in 7.

DUBBS: If Greg Oden were “just built for this shit,” he wouldn’t keep breaking down. Oden is like the reverse Benjamin Button. The matchup between him and Yao is the immobile object vs. the unmoving force. Who will shatter into a thousand pieces first? Seriously, those dudes might break each other. They’re gonna finish the series playing wheelchair ball. Also, nice 2003 Tayshaun vs. McGrady reference. Way to broaden our readership.

BROKEASS: I thought 2003 was relevant in this series, since it was the last time Houston had a point guard. Seriously, who is their PG? Aaron Brooks? Kyle Lowry? Steve Blake is going to own those punks…And that line has never been written ever! This Houston group has never made it out of the first round for good reason: They are always a piece or two short. This year is no different. Of course, if Ron-Ron shows up in rare form (either as a player or an asshole), all bets are off. But I can’t wager on a team with so many question marks.

DUBBS: If Aaron Brooks is given a place at the table, he will eat! It only makes sense that Houston would finally get out of the first round without McGrady. It’ll allow his spiral of depression to continue to run its course. And too much is being made of Portland as the only team in the West that can challenge the Lakers. They haven’t even been in the playoffs since they were the Jailblazers. Jumps like that don’t happen in the NBA. It’s more of a steady progression. And Houston is ready to take that next step.

That’s it for the First Round. Check back throughout the playoffs for more tomfoolery.

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Lebron James drives the lane against the Washington Wizards.

Lebron James drives the lane against the Washington Wizards.

The NBA is investigating revising their rules on traveling. One of the revisions they’re apparently looking into would make Lebron’s crab dribble (aka TRAVELING!!!!) legal. Because god forbid the King get called for it when he’s breaking the rules. This is ridiculous and just another example of how the NBA sacrifices its legitimacy to promote/cater to the whims of its superstars. If the referees would just call the games according to the rules, there would be no need to change them. Trust me, even if Lebron James wasn’t allowed to travel, he would still be the best player in the NBA. These superstar calls just dilute the game. And changing the rules of the game to accommodate one player is just shameful. What a bullshit fucking league the NBA has become.

And just for the record, THIS is a fucking foul:

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Lebron clearly hits J-Rich’s wrists.

THIS is fucking not:

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Rip jumps straight up into the air and makes no contact with Larry Hughes, until possibly after the shot (and then only because Hughes kicks his leg out).

If NBA referees called games with any level of consistency, the league would be a better place. Instead, every game is called in its own distinct manner, depending on who the squad of refs are and how they feel like calling that particular game (oh, and whether or not the game is being played in Utah, of course). Why doesn’t the league investigate, and try to change, that? Instead of just coddling superstars so they can sell more fucking jerseys.

I call bullshit.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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