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Posts Tagged ‘Paul Pierce’

KG throws some 'bows (and shits his pants???).

At the end of Boston’s  Game 1 victory over the Heat on Saturday, Kevin Garnett was ejected for throwing an elbow at Quentin Richardson during a scrum after Paul Pierce fell to the ground with a shoulder stinger.

KG claimed that Q-Rich was standing over Pierce and he was just trying to clear some room for Paul.

Q-Rich saw things a bit differently:

“I was trying to get over there to take the ball out of bounds and [Garnett] started to talk to me, so I talked back. I don’t have any business talking to him, he was on the ground crying. I don’t know what was going on, two actresses over there, that’s what they are.”

‘Two actresses’!!!  I think I just fell in love with Quentin Richardson.  The kind of love born out of a sense of deep respect between two men.

Quentin (my new life partner) wasn’t finished though.  Speak on, Q!:

“I just get surprised by people’s actions when I know them better than that. They’re not those characters they portray. They’re not who they say they are, Garnett and Pierce, they’re good basketball players and that’s about it.

“I said to Jermaine, he’s OK because I knew nobody touched him,” explained Richardson. “Is he taking another break like he does so many times? Sometimes he falls like he’s about to be out for the season and then he gets right up, that’s all I said.

“I don’t like them, and they know it.”

Good stuff.  Welcome back, Playoffs.

The league suspended Kevin Garnett one game for the elbow.  But I’m sure Rasheed Wallace will pick up the slack.

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Or not.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Is he crying again?  What?  He's celebrating?  I can't tell the difference.

Is he crying again? What? He's celebrating? I can't tell the difference.

By now we’ve all seen Glen Davis’ game-winning shot against the Magic Sunday night but let’s watch it again, for two reasons:  A) I have a point to make. B) We can make fun of him.  Hold on one sec.  Let me re-prioritize.  A) We can make fun of him.  B) I have a point to make.  There, that’s better.

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I could watch Davis knock that little kid out of the way all day.  It’s fantastic.  Fat little Magic fan.  And he’s a Ginger, too.  Serves him right.  Apparently, after he hit this shot, Davis was running down the court shouting, “They need to know about me!” at the fans.  Dude.  They already know about you.  Everyone does.  You’re that guy that cried on the bench after KG yelled at you.  The phrase, “Act like you’ve been there before” also springs to mind, but this is a man called “Big Baby” so I guess I shouldn’t expect too much.  People tend to grow into their nicknames.

Now here’s the point:  Pretend you’re a Celtics fan for a minute.  (Just go with it.)  It’s been a rough Playoffs.  You pretty much lost all hope for a repeat championship when Garnett went down.  Your Big Three are aging and you’re worried the window is closing.  But there’s a silver lining to that cloud in your coffee.  In the absence of KG, supporting players have been forced to step up big time.  And they’ve done it.  Your young point guard (Rajon Rondo) has elevated his play to the point that he must now be mentioned in the same breath with Chris Paul.  Kendrick Perkins has become the team’s defensive anchor.  And Big Baby has hit big shot after big shot.  The above video doesn’t show this but he not only hit the game-winner, he also scored on the Celtics’ possession before that to put them up by one, which was, at the time, just as big a shot.    Two huge buckets in a row.

I don’t know the Celtics’ contract situation next year.  (What do you want from me?  I’m not a fucking scientist.)  But if the Big Three come back healthy, Boston should put together one hell of a run.  Because guys that were only supporting players before have now learned what it means to be the ones counted on to win the game.  Kendrick Perkins and Big Baby and even, to a certain extent, Rajon, are always gonna be the younger siblings to KG and Ray and Paul.  But far less so after this Playoffs.  Big Baby may still act like a big baby, but he doesn’t play like one anymore.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Air France, now with flights out of Boston.

Air France, now with flights out of Boston.

Is it Bastille Day already? Don’t tell Mike Pietrus it ain’t. The fourth best Frenchman in all the land scored a fast and efficient 17 points in Orlando’s home-court-stealing 95-90 victory over Boston last night, letting his game make the understatement of the year, “JEREMY RICHARDSON, YOUR SERVICES WILL NOT BE NEEDED TONIGHT!!!”

In war and in Playoffs, the French come to fight. Pietrus didn’t only wear the shooting gloves, he donned the defensive-stopper beret also, helping to hold Pierce & Allen to a combined 30% shooting and contributing a pair of steals and blocks. We all knew Boston had their hands full with Orlando’s size. We didn’t know it would be length on the perimeter that really befuddled them. We definitely didn’t know the long arms of Mickael Pietrus would be their greatest fuddler. Many of us didn’t even know Mickael Pietrus was still in the NBA.

Some nights a player just knows he has it. I am convinced that Pietrus approached Stan Van Gundy before the game and said, as confidently as he has ever said anything, “Put me in, Coach.” SVG looked him in the eyes, felt his passion, and answered, “Whatever.” Last night that indifference paid off.

I attempted to conduct an interview with Pietrus following the game:

BROKEASS
What does your performance tonight, coupled with some
of Tony Parker’s showings, say about French basketball?
PIETRUS
It doesn’t say shit about French basketball. It says everything
about me. And fuck Tony Parker. Where TP right now?
BROKEASS
I don’t know, probably at home.
PIETRUS
That’s right. And where’s Diaw?
BROKEASS
I have no idea.
PIETRUS
Some place double-fisting croissants, that’s where.
I’m just playing, Boris! For real, though, that
boy can eat. I AM FRENCH BASKETBALL!!!
Where’s Turiaf? Where’s Petro? Where’s Batum?
BROKEASS
I get it.
PIETRUS
Damn right you get it. And where’s Pietrus? In Boston.
Fucking. Shit. Up. Ces imbéciles ne sont aucune
allumette pour moi!
BROKEASS
I have no idea what you just said.
PIETRUS
I’m on a whole ‘nother level. Where’s Tariq Abdul-Wahad?!
BROKEASS
Please stop doing that.
PIETRUS
No, seriously, where’s Tariq? Dude owes me twenty francs
from back when we called him Olivier. If I see him on the
rue we’ll have words. Put this in your interview: Pietrus
guarantees 50 in Game 2. No further questions. A tout a
l’heure, bitches! Shout out to MC Solaar! Where’s my agent?!

Well, that went poorly.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Eastern Conference semi-finals:  Act like you know.  Eh, just act like you care.

(1) CLEVELAND CAVALIERS VS. (4) ATLANTA HAWKS

Nope. Too easy.

Nope. Too easy.

BROKEASS: Will this series even be televised?

DUBBS:  Everything Lebron does is televised.  He’s brushing his teeth on ESPN 12 right now.  In theory, the Hawks should match up well with the Cavs.  But this isn’t a theory class.  The Hawks first round series was uglier than Delonte West.  They are the type of team that can show up and take Boston to seven (like last season).  And they’re the type of team that can not show up and get taken to seven by Miami (this season).  If they pull their shit together, they have the talent to push the Cavs to seven.  But they could also lose in four.  Who knows which Atlanta team will show up?

BROKEASS: When we talk about teams that CAN win, it’s usually because they DON’T win. Nobody talks about Cleveland’s potential. We talk about Cleveland winning. And that’s exactly what we will be talking about during and after this series. Any Detroit Pistons can make it to the Playoffs, the second round is for contenders. Unfortunately, the Eastern Conference didn’t have enough of those teams, so the Hawks will be faking it for the cameras.

DUBBS: Well, at least we got Atlanta.  If Miami had won, all we’d hear about for the next week would be Lebron and Wade, Wade and Lebron.  What good friends and great competitors they are.  How they hang out together in the off-season and curl each other’s hair and drink miso soup out of each other’s foot-baths and have swordfights in the bathroom.  And the Cavs would have obliterated the Heat.  This series has the potential to be watchable.  Whoops, there’s that word again.

BROKEASS: I like the Hawks but those wayward souls make me uncomfortable.  Atlanta has no leader. Surprisingly, Josh Smith’s tantrums haven’t unified the team the way he expected. Lebron isn’t just the best player on his team, he is also the general they follow into battle. He takes all the guesswork out of the game, freeing a guy like Delonte up to do what he does best: Score the ball and look hideous (second Ugly Delonte joke, if you’re keeping score). Atlanta has guys that can score the ball – Six guys averaged in double figures. And guys that look hideous – I bet on Marvin Williams to win the Kentucky Derby (first Ugly Marvin joke, if you’re keeping score). But no one who takes care of all the other stuff that goes into winning. If scoring the ball and looking hideous was the perfect recipe for success, I’d be lacing up my Air Van Exels right now. But I ain’t. I wear $20 Starburys. Unrelated to winning.

DUBBS:  Atlanta might be motivated.  Joe Johnson needs to prove to people he’s just sleepy-looking and not actually asleep.  Josh Smith needs to prove he can hit that stupid between-the-legs dunk he missed so badly against the Heat.  And Mike Bibby needs to prove to Henry Bibby that he is worthy of his love.

BROKEASS: Newsflash, Mike Bibby: You’re not. Nobody is proving anything in this series, other than that time can move very slowly.

DUBBS: I’m gonna take a leap of faith and say Atlanta in 4.  Lebron is getting injured in Game One.  Shelden Williams is gonna do a run-in from the locker-room and take Lebron out with a chair while the referees are distracted.  Jim Ross will be apoplectic:  “Oh my god, it’s The Landlord, Shelden Williams!  He’s supposed to be on the Sacramento Kings!  He fooled us all!  The Landlord!”  And Shelden Williams will walk back to the locker-room with a smug look on his face and the Intercontinental Title Belt held aloft above his head.

BROKEASS: Just what the NBA needs – A Shelden Williams heel turn. Clearly the heel turn will be Lebron ripping off his Cavs jersey mid-series and joining the Knicks. I can already see Spike Lee cackling at confused fans on the Jumbotron. Just kidding – Boobie Gibson would be inconsolable. Seriously, Cleveland will win because this is basketball and the Hawks aren’t very good at it. Cavs sweep.

DUBBS:  I’m gonna go ahead and climb out on the really thin limb of this really tall tree during a windstorm and predict that Atlanta captures some of last year’s playoff magic and pushes the Cavs a bit.  Cavs in 7.

BROKEASS: If this series goes 7 I will gouge out my own eyes. The NBA: Where “Blindness” Happens.

(2) BOSTON CELTICS VS. (3) ORLANDO MAGIC

Basketball skills do not exist in this Dojo!

"I just wanna dance but the fat man in the turtleneck keeps shouting at me!"


DUBBS:  Can both of these teams lose?  That would be my preference.  I really like Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and Rondo.  But my hatred for Kendrick Perkins, Eddie House and the bench version of KG is so intense that it’s difficult for me to root for the Celtics.  On the other hand, I’ve made my feelings on the Magic clear.  They are powder puffs.  They should be embarrassed by their play against Philly.  I won’t root for them until they get some tough guys down there to play actual playoff basketball.  Where’s Charles Oakley when you need him?

BROKEASS: Oak’s working the door at Jordan’s Cinco de Mayo tapas party. The Magic could get him for a Manwich and some dignity. Lifetime contract. Boston vs. Orlando: First team to four losses gets to go home. It’s hard to bet against Boston, because this unit remains undefeated in a playoff series. But it’s hard to bet on Boston, because they haven’t shown any signs of being that good this Playoffs. It’s hard to bet on Orlando, because they are so…Orlando. And it’s hard to bet against Orlando, because, well, Dwight should be unstoppable. Though for every “Dwight should be unstoppable,” uttered before, there is a “Dwight should’ve been unstoppable,” to be mentioned after.

DUBBS:  Exactly. With KG out, Dwight should dominate every game of this series.  But you know he’s not going to.  He just doesn’t seem to be able to take a series over like that.  Having said that, this is where the thinness of the Celtics frontcourt with both KG and Leon Powe out is really going to kill them.  Will Kendrick Perkins foul out of every game before the National Anthem is sung?  They can’t slide Big Baby over and Scalabrine can’t cover Dwight.  The weight of the world truly rests on Kendrick Perkins’ shoulders in this series.  So at least the look on his face will finally match up.

BROKEASS: Boston’s thinness will be an issue. And so will its thickness. Big Baby can’t cover Rashard on the wings or Hedo up top. Scalabrine is the basketball equivalent to a designated hitter. The Magic frontcourt is a nightmare for healthy opponents, and the injury-depleted Celtics are struggling with even mediocre bigs. Rafer Alston is not the perfect substitute for Jameer Nelson ever, but he should have an easier time skipping to his Lou against Rondo than the stout, inflexible Andre Miller, leading to more drop offs for Dwight and kick-outs for the 3-ballers.

DUBBS:  I’m tired of hearing about Jameer Nelson. People talk about it like if he were healthy, the Magic would win 8 championships in a row.  Rafer might not be a perfect substitute for Jameer Nelson but Jameer is not a perfect substitute for an actual point guard.  Let him go play NBA Jam at the arcade with Nate Robinson.  I’ll up his allowance.  Still, Rondo is going to eat Rafer Alston alive.  By the end of this series, Rafer is going to be talking about retiring (again) and fighting Sam Mitchell (again).  Also, um, JJ REDICK IS STARTING!!!!  JJ Redick wouldn’t make the Celtics practice squad.

BROKEASS: JJ only starts until Courtney Lee gets home from allergy camp, or wherever the fuck they sent his sinuses. Wow. The Magic are in trouble. But so are the Celtics. This is the first series I can think of where absolutely no one can guard anyone else. I guess it comes down to a battle of masterful coaches. Anybody know where we can find any masterful coaches? Between having homes in Boston and Orlando and doing nothing in the first round, Doc Rivers should at least be well-rested. So that’s an advantage.

DUBBS: Courtney Lee’s coming back?  Phew.  Championship saved.  Stan Van Gundy will show Doc Rivers the real meaning of flop sweat.  It comes down to this:  If Orlando allows a team like Philly to hang around without delivering the knockout blow until it’s almost too late, how will they will deal with a team that fights tooth and nail for every game?  That’s what’s so impressive about Boston.  They never stop fighting.  They never give up. Boston won’t give Orlando this series.  Orlando will have to take it. And I don’t think they have the stuff to do that.  Celtics in 6.

BROKEASS: And yet the Celts had to settle for a split decision victory over the Bulls, a team that wasn’t even strong enough to wrestle the 6 seed from Philly while the 76ers were in an end-of-the-season coma. Neither team proved themselves deserving of more basketball: Orlando lacks the toughness and Boston lacks the muscle. If this was single elimination I’d pick Boston for their heart. Over a series, I think Orlando’s size will wear on them.  Magic in 6.

DUBBS:  Fans of the Magic would love that prediction.  Too bad they don’t exist.


Will Dwight Howard finally stop turning the other cheek?
Will Eddie House finally realize that hitting an open three-pointer doesn’t make you a tough guy? Will the Cavs bench finally realize they don’t get to follow Lebron to the Knicks? Will Kevin Garnett finally see video of his behavior on the bench and die of shame? Will Boobie Gibson finally realize that’s a birthmark on Delonte West’s face – not grape jelly?  Will Eddie House’s son finally realize his dad is a bit player in the NBA and not the hero he believes him to be?  Will Mo Williams finally realize its not an all-star slight if you’re not an all-star? Will Marvin Williams finally get braces to correct his wicked overbite? Will Stephon finally realize the Celtics organization is conspiring to hold him back?  Will Acie Law IV finally realize he’s the only Acie Law that matters? Will Mikki Moore finally realize he’s Busta Rhymes’ skeleton?  Will Marcin Gortat finally get the joke about how many Polish guys it takes to screw in a lightbulb? Will Flip Murray finally battle Flip Saunders in a duel to the death, winner gets to be an adult called Flip? Will Brian Scalabrine finally realize he’s Michael Rapaport?   Will Jeremy Richardson finally realize I don’t know who he is?  Will Mike Bibby finally realize he’s Eddie House’s brother-in-law and force his sister to get a divorce?  Will Doc Rivers finally realize he’s not a licensed medical practitioner? Will Stan Van Gundy’s moustache finally explode?  Will Kendrick Perkins finally figure out who farted?  Check back throughout the Playoffs for the answers to these questions – and more!

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This play is as chaotic as this series.

This play is as chaotic as this series.

I told myself if scrappy, little Rajon Rondo dropped one more triple double on a stat sheet I would be forced to write about him. 28 points, 11 assists, and 8 rebounds later…still no post, Rajon! This isn’t a horseshoes blog, close doesn’t count!

Obviously, Rondo (averaging a triple double for the series) has been spectacular and he deserves credit for elevating his game at a crucial juncture. But despite his heroics, Boston is barely holding on. On paper, Rondo is filling just about all of the roles left vacant by Kevin Garnett’s absence. On the court, though, they look like a completely different team.

The Boston Celtics aren’t great because of Garnett. They are The Boston Celtics because of him. This isn’t pick-up basketball; you can’t just assemble the best players and win. Teams are designed to play a certain way. When Rondo scores 28, 16 more than his season average, those points are coming from somewhere else, and often at the expense of the gameplan.

Paul Pierce has found a way to be decent in this series, because he, like Rondo, is capable of making his own offense. Ray Allen has suffered immensely. It is not a knock on Ray-Ray to say his points are manufactured. He is a key component of the offense, so when that offense breaks down, he is lost. As are the majority of the Celtics, while Rondo and Pierce audible on clear-outs all game.

The Bulls have stuck around in this series for far different reasons than we originally imagined. Touted as a gritty, defensive team, the Bulls were expected to counter Boston nicely in a low-scoring series. Instead, Boston has played right into the hands of the Bulls two important rookies: PG, Derrick Rose and head coach, Vinny Del Negro.

Despite Rose’s epic talents, he should be outmatched in this series for lack of experience. Let’s not forget, he had one year with Calipari at Memphis adhering to a gameplan that was, ostensibly, “Do your thing, Derrick,” followed by a season under the minimalistic tutelage of Del Negro, who should also be outmatched in this series. The Celtics, when resembling themselves, are focused and disciplined. They play within their system and force you to adjust to them, something Vinny Del Negro would’ve failed at.

Lucky for VDN, the coaches have been reduced to spectators as this series has turned into a glorified two-on-two featuring Derrick Rose and Ben Gordon vs. Rajon Rondo and Paul Pierce. If this series goes the distance it will be one of the longest (total minutes) in NBA history. Seems fitting, since we all know a good pick-up game can last all day.

Like any loyal Pistons fan, I hate the Celtics. I like it when they lose. But I love basketball, and that Boston squad from a year ago was special. They were the opposite of the one we are watching right now. The Bulls aren’t very good. Not yet, at least. They are in this series because Boston is playing down to their level. I know KG can’t suit up for his team, but you’d think he could maybe shame a few of them into remembering who they play for. Celtic pride used to mean something. But I guess that was way back last year.

KG finds alternative ways to contribute.

KG finds alternative ways to contribute.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Our picks are in, complete with expert analysis! Don’t blame us when your bookie comes to collect.

(1) CLEVELAND CAVALIERS VS. (8) DETROIT PISTONS

nba_ben_sheed_580

"Scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind, smiles we gave to one another, for the way we were."

Let’s get this one out of the way.

DUBBS: Cavs in 4. The Cavs are really hard to beat at home. I see the Cavs winning the first two at home, with at least the second game being a close one. After going down 0-2, the Pistons will fold. Goodbye Iverson. Bye-bye Sheed. Hello… Paul Millsap?

BROKEASS: I’m going with the Cavs in 3. No, seriously, Lebron will carve the Pistons up just like he did the last two times these teams faced off in the playoffs. He’ll average 40 in the Cleveland games before the “BJ Armstrong All-Stars” humiliate the Pistons at the Palace. On second thought, maybe the Cavs will win in 3. Either way, at the end of Sheed’s last game as a Piston, he’ll be sure to give Bronny a long, heartfelt embrace.

DUBBS: Yeah, Sheed’s gotta pass that torch from five years ago. So we both have Sheed gone after this year, but you have him leaving during the series. Where do you see Sheed going? I think both he and Iverson should head to Charlotte and reunite with LB.

BROKEASS: I’m not sure Sheed won’t retire, but if he signs a new deal Charlotte would be a wise decision. Old stomping grounds, old coach, young nucleus. And he could do almost every bit for Emeka Okafor what he did for Ben Wallace. As for Iverson, I don’t give a shit. Stick the “A-I” between “J” and “L” for all I care.

DUBBS: Yeah, Sheed could mentor Okafor like he does Dwight Howard. Except they’d actually be on the same team, making it, y’know, appropriate. And Iverson still has college eligibility, right? He should enroll at Florida International University and play for Isiah. Zeke could teach him how to run the point.

(2) BOSTON CELTICS VS. (7) CHICAGO BULLS

celtics-bulls-deng-shoots-over-pierce

Paul Pierce feels the music. Ty Thomas feels it move.

BROKEASS: I like Chicago to give Boston a hard time in this series. Especially if KG is inactive. The Bulls can match the defensive intensity of these Celts and that will result in some tough-fought games. Maybe even a tough-fought fight. I’ve got the Celtics in 6.

DUBBS: Agreed, Celtics in 6. I like Chicago right now. If they had made it to the 6 seed, I would pick them to upset Orlando. Derrick Rose is coming into his own and he’ll make a mark in this series. Ty Thomas and Noah have been playing well. And who’s gonna guard John Salmons?!?! But I think the Celtics will be super-motivated without KG. Pierce is gonna go off.

BROKEASS: I never thought I would read myself write this, but I think Chicago will suffer for the absence of Luol Deng. They need a calming presence that D-Rose does not yet provide. This will no doubt be his coming-out party as an individual, but this Rose is not yet fully in bloom when it comes to running a team. Ugh, did I just type that? Gag me with a penis. Who dominates the Battle of Connecticut: Gordon or Allen?

DUBBS: Allen, most definitely. He’s had a resurgent year, after recovering from last season’s ankle injuries. He’ll be better than Gordon. And I agree with you about the calming presence of Lu Deng. I’ve fallen asleep many a time watching his boring ass play ball. He’s like Tayshaun Prince without all the flash.

BROKEASS: “Luuuuuuuuu Deng will help you get your ZZZZZZZZ’s.”

(3) ORLANDO MAGIC VS. (6) PHILADELPHIA SEVENTY-SIXERS

Sixers smell defeat.

The Sixers smell defeat.

DUBBS: I don’t believe in Orlando. They are sweetmeat. Hedo is injured, Rafer Alston is not Jameer Nelson, and Dwight Howard is not the dominant offensive player he should be. Teams are too often able to contain him on that end of the floor. Having said that, I don’t see the Sixers posing much of a threat. They just aren’t good. And they have gotten worse lately. D-Ho should feast inside. Orlando in 5.

BROKEASS: Philly will have the advantage at guards, but that won’t matter. Two Andres don’t equal one Dwight. I’m taking Orlando in 4. Are we done talking about this unwatchable series yet?

DUBBS: Yes. The only point of interest in this series is whether Stan Van Gundy will wear a mock turtleneck every single game. SVG – Get you some breathable fabrics and live a little, son!

(4) ATLANTA HAWKS VS. (5) MIAMI HEAT

This is the matchup the Hawks should be concerned with.

This is the tandem the Hawks should be worried about.

BROKEASS: The top 3 in the East should’ve received First Round byes. This is the only series that matters. On paper I have to take the Hawks, but this series seems more likely to come down to these three intangibles: 1) Will D-Wade be infallible; 2) Will the referees treat D-Wade like he’s infallible; and 3) Will the Hawks self-destruct? I predict the series to be unpredictable, but am choosing Atlanta in 7.

DUBBS: Yeah, this is the one that’s up for grabs. Atlanta is a better team than Miami. But Dwyane Wade has been just disgusting. Atlanta has a tendency to fall apart a bit at times. And a Heat win would set up Lebron-Wade for Round 2. So, apologies to the always-overlooked Joe Johnson and the always-undereducated Josh Smith, but I’m picking Miami in 7.

BROKEASS: It is hard to bet against Dwyane if it comes down to Game 7. But I’m betting on an Atlanta team that thrives at home and feels like they let an upset slip away last year in Boston. Miami has too little else besides Wade. Mario Chalmers, you ain’t in Kansas anymore. Mike Bibby has too much playoff experience and too many tattoos to read. If JO somehow comes alive, that’s a different story, but we all know in this world, when you’re dead you stay dead.

DUBBS: Too little else besides Wade? Um… hello? Mike ‘Be Easy” Beasley? Jo-el “son of Jor-el, brother of Kal-el” Anthony? AKA The Gazelle? Udonis “Udonis Haslem” Haslem? And JO is a soldier. He lives to come up short in moments like this. No, it’s all on Wade. If Atlanta can keep Wade under 30 for a game or two, they’ll win. But I don’t think they can do it.

That’s all for the East. Western Conference First Round picks coming up.

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