Posts Tagged ‘Boston Celtics’

Brokeass video! For no goddamn reason!

Posted by BA Brokeass.


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KG throws some 'bows (and shits his pants???).

At the end of Boston’s  Game 1 victory over the Heat on Saturday, Kevin Garnett was ejected for throwing an elbow at Quentin Richardson during a scrum after Paul Pierce fell to the ground with a shoulder stinger.

KG claimed that Q-Rich was standing over Pierce and he was just trying to clear some room for Paul.

Q-Rich saw things a bit differently:

“I was trying to get over there to take the ball out of bounds and [Garnett] started to talk to me, so I talked back. I don’t have any business talking to him, he was on the ground crying. I don’t know what was going on, two actresses over there, that’s what they are.”

‘Two actresses’!!!  I think I just fell in love with Quentin Richardson.  The kind of love born out of a sense of deep respect between two men.

Quentin (my new life partner) wasn’t finished though.  Speak on, Q!:

“I just get surprised by people’s actions when I know them better than that. They’re not those characters they portray. They’re not who they say they are, Garnett and Pierce, they’re good basketball players and that’s about it.

“I said to Jermaine, he’s OK because I knew nobody touched him,” explained Richardson. “Is he taking another break like he does so many times? Sometimes he falls like he’s about to be out for the season and then he gets right up, that’s all I said.

“I don’t like them, and they know it.”

Good stuff.  Welcome back, Playoffs.

The league suspended Kevin Garnett one game for the elbow.  But I’m sure Rasheed Wallace will pick up the slack.

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Or not.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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"My prostate is this big!"

The Boston Celtics have signed veteran Michael Finley.  Um… what for?

Michael Finley is 37 years old.  The Celtics are already an old team.  Getting older by the second (but aren’t we all?).  I thought the idea here was to sign players who still had cartilidge in their knees… hence the Nate Robinson signing.  Do they really need another old-ass broken-body that chucks up too many 3’s?  They already have several.  This move is a real… HEADSCRATCHER!

In other head-scratching news (I can already sense that this feature won’t be returning in another post… but I’ve committed to this one so let’s close it out strong), the Minnesota Timberwolves have announced that Darko Milicic will start the next couple games. This is only a temporary move, as Al Jefferson is suspended two games for a DWI.  Darko says, “his comfort level and conditioning are increasing, though his current plan remains to return to Europe after the season.”  Oh, good, his comfort level’s increasing.  This is only his seventh season in the NBA so, you know… any day now.

Why bother starting this guy?  He’s been publicly maintaining all season that he’s going back to Europe to play next season.  Which is just a real great way to show your commitment to your team.  So why give him anything?  Why not bring some hungry kid up from the D-League.  Y’know, someone who actually wants to be there.

Still…what if Darko plays really well, and they reward him with a permanent starting position, and he turns it all around and finally becomes a really good player?  Then, everyone would shit all over Joe Dumars for letting him go too soon.  And Joe D.’s head would explode.  Because he would realize that there’s just no winning.

Either way… HEADSCRATCHER!!!


Here we see Darko's famously punishing workout regimen.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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I'd rather date Snooki.

Clearly they’re phoning it in in Jersey right now. The Nets are waiting by the phone for their landlord in Brooklyn to tell them the new digs are ready and that Lebron will be picking up John Wall and meeting them with the keys. And while someday the Nets just might be the biggest boast in the borough Biggie built, for now they remain the most embarrassing thing in the Garden State. And no, I’m not forgetting about Jersey Shore.

Last month, for a column in ESPN the Magazine’s “Fan Edition,” the essentially-coachless Nets allowed a fan to call a play in a blowout loss to the Celtics. The play failed less awfully than the plays called by professionals, and so this month the Nets are offering a fan the chance to coach an entire game. If this sounds familiar it’s because you are one of the unforunate souls who paid witness to the Whoopi Goldberg atrocity “Eddie.”

Egads, what a situation. Uh-oh. I just broke the cardinal rule: Never mention New Jersey and “Situation” in the same blog post. Because now this is going to happen…

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What a specifically shitty time to live in the state already referred to as America’s Toilet. You know it’s bad when you’re getting pity from Detroit.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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ESPN is reporting that the Boston Celtics and the Charlotte Bobcats are discussing a trade that would send Glen “Big Baby” Davis to the Bobcats for D.J. Augustin.

Oh. My. God.  This would be amazing!

Larry Brown will destroy Glen Davis.  Davis thinks getting yelled at once in a while by Kevin Garnett is bad?  Imagine having an angry, screamy, vindictive, grouchy old Jewish man on your ass, all day, every day.

And we all know how much Larry Brown loves players who are out of shape and tend towards weight problems.  Anyone heard from Sean May lately?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  I’m pretty sure he’s eating himself to death while weeping somewhere in Sacramento. Larry Brown will have Davis shame-eating himself straight into the D-league in no time!

This is going to be epic.

Big Baby just heard the trade rumor.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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The Finals, finally. Get your last basketball fix until Summer League starts up in a few weeks.


Only one of you gets to taste gold this time.

Only one of you gets to taste gold this time.

DUBBS:  Well, here we are folks.  The beginning of the end of another long season.  It all comes down to this, the matchup everyone’s been talking about the entire year:  Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers versus Lebron James and the Cleveland – wait, what?  THE ORLANDO MAGIC ARE IN THE FINALS?!?!  How the hell did that happen?  Somebody fucked up!  Does David Stern know about this?  He is going to have somebody killed.  Seriously, Jewish Steel In The Finals of Chaos.  What happens now?  What about the the Kobe vs. Lebron Vitamin Water ads?  And those awful puppet commercials they keep trying to force us into finding funny?  WHO WILL SAVE THE RACIST PUPPET COMMERCIALS?!

BROKEASS: That awful puppet looks as much like Dwight as it does Lebron. That’s about poor puppetry. And you know I have no tolerance for poor puppetry. I also have no tolerance for how long these damn playoffs run. I can’t even remember what they’re fighting about anymore. I don’t want this series to be played. I want them to shake hands and call it a draw. Just give the championship ring to Lebron so he can stop pouting and shake somebody’s hand already.

DUBBS:  You are racist because you think all Black puppets look alike.  This series is going to be fun.  Because it’s unpredictable.  Everything was so predetermined for the Finals.  Then Orlando won and suddenly it wasn’t.  The matchups in this series are funkier than expected.  Two very different teams are facing off.  And we don’t have to listen to the announcers go on and on about Kobe and Lebron every minute of every game.  This series could be a blowout or it could go seven.  I have no idea.  You need to get excited again.  To flip the script on Steph’s sage words – You’re caught up in life.  You need to get caught up in basketball.

BROKEASS:  You wouldn’t know fun if it sucked you off at an amusement park. I’m caught up in a playoffs as old as time. Orlando making it to the Finals would’ve been exciting a month ago. Now, they’re just one of the last two teams awake. All the champion wins is the right to turn off the lights.

DUBBS:  A month ago, Orlando couldn’t have made it to the Finals.  That Magic team and this current Magic team are very different.  This is a team that has become who they are during the playoffs;  really, only a couple of weeks ago during the Boston series.  A young team coming into their own versus a veteran team expected to be there.  A young superstar trying to emerge as a dominant force and win his first championship versus an aging superstar trying to cement his rep as one of the greatest to ever play the game.  If this doesn’t wake you up, I think it’s time for me to trace my penis on your forehead.

BROKEASS:  I’m awake! I’m awake! Put your marker away. You could draw any penis, why does it have to be a self-portrait? The Lakers are awake, too. That Houston series guaranteed LA wouldn’t be sleepwalking through any more of the playoffs. Not discounting the Magic, LA is better. In retrospect, Orlando had clear advantages in the previous three rounds. Advantages that favored their best players. This time, far less so. Their positional advantages are no longer aligned with their positional strengths. If both teams play to the level of expectation, the Lakers will win.

DUBBS:  But who knows what the expectations are for Orlando?  The goalposts have shifted several times for them throughout the Playoffs.  They could show up with a Just Happy To Be Here vibe and get stomped.  Or they could show up and work hard and beat a team NOBODY’s giving them a chance to beat, just like last round.

BROKEASS: Is Orlando really better than we expected? Or are Cleveland and Boston worse? LA can’t be faulted for not exceeding expectations when expectations were for them to be fighting for a championship in June. They are. No one thought that Orlando would get this far and no one thinks they will win it. Sooner or later the critics will probably be right. This isn’t a challenge to the Magic’s resolve. They are the worse team in the series. If Dwight goes off like he did in the Conference Finals, sure, anything could happen. But the Lakers are younger, bigger, and healthier on the block than the Cavs.  If Boston could curtail him, he will be truncated by LA. There’s a subtle difference. Orlando needs to pick a point guard before anybody starts worrying about them.

DUBBS:  They need to stick with Rafer because he got them there and you don’t switch your lineup all around headed into the Finals.  Rafer seems to be developing a taste for the big moments.  And there’s no bigger moment than the NBA Finals.  If Jameer is healthy and not too rusty (which is a big if), bring him in as a backup.  But let Rafer lead the team.  Still sort of a scary thought.  That thing we complained about each round?  That Dwight Howard should be unstoppable but wasn’t?  Well, he is now.  Dwight Howard is a man. Andrew Bynum is a boy.  Pau Gasol is an old Spanish woman.  And Lamar Odom is a Diabetic coma waiting to happen.  Magic Shooters stay hot.  Dwight manhandles.  Stan Van keeps his cool (ha) and triumphs.  Orlando in 7. Magic Fan, I’m with you!

BROKEASS: Not even Mighty Dwight can steal a rebound from LO on a Skittles buzz. Odom, Gasol, and Ariza counterpoint Lewis, Turkoglu, and Pietrus (that’s right, a Mickael Pietrus reference before a series. You growing up, Barefoot!) better than any team in the league. And Kobe hasn’t even been mentioned yet! I’ll give Counrtney Lee more credit than we have in previous rounds. But donning that mask will be the only thing that prevents Kobe from breaking his face. A rookie standing between Black Mamba and a Shaq-less championship? As the kids say, laugh out loud. I agree with you about Skip and think, no matter how you slice it, point guard is an advantage the Magic hold. It’s an important one, and coupled with this coming-of-age big man you keep talking about, worth about two games. Lakers in 6. Countless LA douchebags, I’m siding with you.

Every one of our predictions, even the ones we disagreed on, have come true. The Finals will be no different.

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Patrick Ewing, seldom-mentioned (or remembered) assistant coach for Orlando, has guaranteed success in the series finale. So what if he has only peripheral involvement in the game. So what if he’s never won anything important as a player or coach. So what if he’s molded Dwight Howard into a giant, soft, tickle-machine (much like…Patrick Ewing). So what if Doc Rivers openly laughed at him. So what if he was probably drunk when he said it and doesn’t remember anything. I believe him. Scratch that, I believe in him.

Ewing has remained in game-shape just in case he needs to lace ’em up tomorrow. Check him out dominating in a scrimmage:

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You can tell by the growl that Pat means business. This whole story begs two questions: When did Patrick Ewing start caring about basketball? And how has no one ever nicknamed him P-Ew?

Posted by BA Brokeass

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