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Posts Tagged ‘Denver Nuggets’

Hi, my name's Kenyon. I like pranks, cool tattoos and violence.

Our old friend Kenyon Martin found himself the victim of an April Fools joke and, surprise of all surprises, he was none too happy about it. During Thursday night’s Nuggets-Blazers tilt, former Nuggets ballboy Laquan (nice!) Johnson entered the club’s locker room, took K-Mart’s keys and filled his Range Rover with buttered popcorn (hilarious!).  Bonus: K-Mart’s Range Rover has a white interior (so classy!).

K-Mart responded with his usual mix of level-headedness, diplomacy and restraint, storming into the locker room and “spewing profanities and threats at teammates and other members of the organization”:

“That ain’t no [expletive] joke,” Martin said. “I’m going to find out who did it … put my [expletive] hands on one of y’all. I’m going to put my hands on whoever did it. You better believe that. It’s [expletive] personal. You better believe it.”

Man, imagine if the popcorn had cheesy powder on it.  Bloodbath central.

Martin also added this gem:

“How ’bout if I don’t play in the playoffs until somebody tells me who did it,” Martin said more than once.

Promises, promises.  Martin has missed the last fifteen games with an injury anyway.  His fucking knees are made of buttered popcorn.  zing.

Laquan, next time you want to pull a prank on a Nugget, pick on Anthony Carter or something.  You know, someone without a long and storied history of emotional tantrums and violent outbursts.  And maybe start a little smaller.  I find that the old glue-a-quarter-to-the-floor prank generally does not lead to threats of violence.  Although with K-Mart you never know.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Here’s a piping hot Monday morning cup of strange for you:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

This video plays like an infomercial for weird, breathless man worship.  (Which is the best kind of man worship, by the way.)  It’s a paean to heroic manliness.  A saga of running up steps in the early morning, clad in all-white workout gear (the uniform of champions).

And trainer/hypeman Steve Hess… what nationality is this guy?  Australian? Pygmy? Mogwai? No idea.  All I know is that I want to break bread with him.  Sit over a meal and just hash shit out, y’know?  Get a little drunk, tell some stories.

FYI, I’m that guy sleeping while someone else is getting better.  Real talk.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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Lamar Odom calling for the Milk Dud entry pass.

Lamar Odom calling for the Milk Dud entry pass.

You only live once. Eat as much candy as you can eat.”

– Lamar Odom on life.

Lamar Odom is living every kid’s dream…

…And proving candy is a drug.

Rumor has it Kobe got Odom pumped for this series by referring to their opponent as the Hershey Nuggets. I repeat, that’s just a rumor. He might’ve called them the Denver Nougats.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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After being punked by Chauncey, Kobe has nowhere to hide.

After being punked by Chauncey, Kobe has nowhere to hide.

From Tom Friend’s great ESPN piece about Chauncey:

Suddenly, he notices the defender guarding the inbounds pass has turned his back to him. So 18-year-old Chauncey throws the ball off the defender’s rear end, catches it, drop-steps and dunks with two hands. Chauncey has himself a bucket and an assist. The crowd snickers … except for his grandmother sitting in the 10th row… she always has told her grandson to tone it down, to respect his opponent, to play the game “the right way.”  So that’s why, after his dunk sends the Metro State College arena into a tizzy, Chauncey looks over to his grandmother and mouths: Sorry.”

Last night:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Chauncey’s got some more apologizing to do.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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KENYON DOES NOT ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY, MARK CUBAN!  These two won’t move on so let’s do it for them.  Western Conference Finals.  Don’t sit near La La:

(1) LOS ANGELES LAKERS VS. (2) DENVER NUGGETS

"Stop playin', Kobe. This ain't a hotel room."

It's all smiles and giggles 'til somebody gets raped.

DUBBS:  While Denver advances to their first Conference Finals in 24 years, Chauncey reaches his seventh in a row.  (An impressive feat that only four other players since 1970 have accomplished. )  Chauncey is responsible for turning this team from a talented bunch of underachievers to a force to be reckoned with.  No one expected Denver to be here.  Everyone assumed LA would be.  Yet Denver has been the more impressive team so far in these Playoffs.

BROKESS: Denver has been impressive. Just not against LA. You have to bother Kobe Bryant in order to have a chance against the Lakers. Houston posed the greatest challenge by throwing the likes of Ron Artest and Shane Battier at him. JR Smith couldn’t cover Kobe with tattoos. Putting aside that the Lakers have their most talented team since the Last Days of Shaq, who is going to keep Bryant from winning this series single-handedly?

DUBBS:  DAHNTAY JONES!! aka The Ruben Patterson Stopper!  Um, yeah, Dahntay Jones ain’t stopping Kobe.  But Kobe deciding he’s going to win the series single-handedly would be great for Denver.  If Kobe refuses to play within the team’s offense, LA will lose.  He can win a game that way but not a series.  And ‘who’s gonna stop Kobe?’ has a flipside.  Who’s gonna cover Chauncey?  Or Carmelo?  What if they have to put Kobe on one of those guys?  If he expends too much energy on the defensive end, will he start settling for jumpers on O?

BROKEASS: LA’s offense is designed to find their opponent’s defensive weakness and exploit it. No matter how good you are, if you have a hole at the shooting guard position and you are playing the Los Angeles Lakers, you’re in trouble. LA feasts when Kobe has a big advantage. On the other hand, Denver’s best scorer, Carmelo Anthony, has the pleasure of matching up with LA’s best defensive stopper in Trevor Ariza. It’s just that kind of unfortunate pairing for the Nuggets. Nearly every choice favors LA. I’m taking Phil’s zen over George’s meltdown. Odom’s peace over K-Mart’s war. Pau’s Catallan over Nene’s Portuguese. Chauncey over Derdan Fishmar is Denver’s only decisive advantage.

DUBBS:  Everyone has talked all year long about how deep LA’s bench is.  I don’t see it.  And they have not been showing up in the playoffs.  Denver is actually the team with depth.  They have a great point guard who controls the game, doesn’t turn the ball over, can score when he needs to, and is money from the line.  They have a world-class scorer in Carmelo who can play inside and out.  An energy guy with a commitment to defense in Dahntay Jones. A defensive stopper/tough guy in K-Mart, who will intimidate the shit out of those Laker softies.  An agile big man in Nene.  A sixth man who can shoot lights-out in JR Smith.  An experienced backup PG in Anthony Carter.  And a blocking/rebounding specialist and fan favorite in Chris Andersen.  And we haven’t even gotten to Linas Kleisza, who does… something, I’m sure of it.  Somehow, Denver has become the most complete team in the league.

BROKEASS: Complete teams get to the Conference Finals and lose. Denver relies on all its parts to equal a whole. LA’s subs are like basketball understudies. They only perform due to injury and in Sunday matinees. Wait, the second part isn’t right. Ask Boston what happens when a crucial player gets hurt. Depth is nice, but a star player goes down and his team probably loses. I just don’t see the need for a deep bench when those dudes are literally just going to sit on the bench. Kobe and Pau can go 40+ each and will. At the big positions, that’s where you need fresh legs. And that’s where the Lakers are stacked. Andrew Bynum would start on Denver. He’s coming off the bench to hunt Birdman in this series. And let’s not forget DJ Mbenga, owner of a meaty body and the best name in the NBA. Dickie Simpkins that’s a good name!

DUBBS:  I’ve got a better idea.  Let’s do forget DJ Mbenga.  Everyone else in the fucking league has, including his own teammates. No discernible basketball skills whatsoever.  And Andrew Bynum should start on LA, only he’s been inconsistent.  Like the Lakers.  The point to Denver’s depth isn’t to guard against injury.  It’s depth that works together at the same time.  So if you stop one guy, another guy can kill you.  This is not the case with the Lakers.  If you manage to stop Kobe, they are losing.

BROKEASS: That was true as recently as two years ago. Not now. But it doesn’t matter because Denver can’t stop Kobe. Is Kobe going to stop Kobe? HELL NO. Not with the Lebron Coronation ceremony already scheduled for June. Don’t forget, when the League’s crown is finally given to King James officially, it will be removed from Kobe Bryant’s head. You can’t just take a man’s crown without expecting a fight. Pity the Dahntay Jones who stands between him and a tete-a-tete with his heir apparent.

DUBBS:  Denver is peaking at the right time.  LA has looked unfocused, to say the least, during the Playoffs.  They have a habit of not respecting their opponents until its almost too late, as in the case of Houston.  That will not work against a Denver team that is firing on all pistons.  Ouch.  Let’s say hitting on all cylinders.  Nuggets in 6.

BROKEASS: LA was humbled in Houston. They won’t be sleeping on anyone from here on out. I saw “Kobe Doin’ Work.” He’s a goddamn superhero. Denver will hit on all cylinders, they just won’t touch much nylon. Playing better doesn’t mean you are better. LA has way too many advantages. Lakers in 5.

DUBBS:  Come home Chauncey!  All is forgiven!!

Eastern Conference Finals prediction coming tomorrow.

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Cuban and K-Mart: The Follow-Up.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Way to show ’em you’re no punk, K-Mart.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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It's all hugs in Cleveland these days. Though this one's still a little creepy.

It's all hugs in Cleveland these days. Though this one's a little creepy.

Having floated on a marshmallow cloud through the first two rounds of the playoffs, it is reasonable to question how Cleveland will fare when finally tested. The more important question, though, is will they be tested? Atlanta played terribly and Detroit is terrible.  But the upcoming competition isn’t playing up a storm either. Plus, they are now fatigued from battling each other. Cleveland, meanwhile, has yet to play a single superfluous game.

Orlando can’t stop Cleveland and the Celtics won’t. Boston would not have topped Cleveland last year without home-court advantage, and they certainly won’t this year against a Cavs team that has won 43 of 45 home contests this year. KG or no KG, I’m sticking to that statement. No KG, home court won’t even be an issue. Orlando, as well as being weak-willed, does not match well with the Cavs. And they won’t know what to make of all that hustle. The whole team will look like Mo Williams watching Delonte and Kinsey take pictures at Lebron’s MVP ceremony.

How many games can either of these teams take? Two has to be the max, and even that number feels high. One sounds more likely. Zero is totally achievable. Lebron shares the glory with his teammates, not his opponents. Will the Eastern Conference Finals be a test? Only of basketball fans’ abilities to stay awake.

Which leaves us with the NBA Finals as the first potential test for the Cavs. We devoted a whole post to the havoc Houston would wreak on Cleveland. But that was with Yao Ming. The current roster, despite their last performance against LA, is far less scary. Kobe will need every ounce of energy he can muster to fight with Lebron for seven, and given the struggles he still has ahead of him, it is fair to question if he will have enough. And then there is Denver, the hottest team in the West right now. Ask Carmelo how confident he is about squaring off with Lebron every other day for a couple weeks and you won’t have to wait for the long pause, nervous expression, or flop sweat to pass. You’ll already have your answer. That Finals won’t take a couple weeks.

Cleveland is by no means unbeatable. They probably aren’t even the best. But testing them is about more than just favorable match-ups. Cleveland has two things going for them in any series: The best player and the most energy. Thanks to a perfect opening two rounds, Cleveland is perfectly healthy and perfectly rested. The best these others can muster doesn’t appear worthy of Cleveland at their best.  Cleveland can certainly be tested, they can even be beat, but they won’t be.

When the dust finally settles, only Lebron will be left standing.

When the dust finally settles, only Lebron will be left standing.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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