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Posts Tagged ‘Mario Chalmers’

Watch him age right before your eyes.

Watch him age right before your eyes.

Before the playoffs, if I told you that the series between the Heat and Hawks would return to Atlanta locked up at two, you probably wouldn’t have batted an eye. But if I told you the same thing, and also that Dwyane Wade has been a poor-man’s version of himself, well maybe then you might experience some eye movement. If not, see a doctor. You could be having a stroke.

Wade has handled volume scoring and controlled the offense (allowing Mario Chalmers to exclusively focus on looking goofy), but the most steady performer has been Jermaine O’Neal. The dominant big in this series, he has averaged almost 17 and 6 for the series, while routinely schooling Atlanta’s Sammy Sosa look-a-like Al Horford. It won’t be enough if D-Wade doesn’t mystify, but it has helped to remove some pressure from the overloaded back of the team’s superstar. JO said, “D-Wade, let me carry a few dudes!” Then a few players jumped on and O’Neal promptly slipped a disc.

Here at AF4D we like to poke fun at JO, because he is ridiculous and brittle and went from 25 to 40 in the span of like a month and a half. But he has stepped up this series. Without him, Miami is seriously over-matched. He is still ridiculous and brittle and unnaturally old. And we will never stop making fun of him. And Miami probably remains overmatched.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is: Fuck Jermaine O’Neal. Wait – I think I had a different message when I started. Oh well. Fuck him.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Our picks are in, complete with expert analysis! Don’t blame us when your bookie comes to collect.

(1) CLEVELAND CAVALIERS VS. (8) DETROIT PISTONS

nba_ben_sheed_580

"Scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind, smiles we gave to one another, for the way we were."

Let’s get this one out of the way.

DUBBS: Cavs in 4. The Cavs are really hard to beat at home. I see the Cavs winning the first two at home, with at least the second game being a close one. After going down 0-2, the Pistons will fold. Goodbye Iverson. Bye-bye Sheed. Hello… Paul Millsap?

BROKEASS: I’m going with the Cavs in 3. No, seriously, Lebron will carve the Pistons up just like he did the last two times these teams faced off in the playoffs. He’ll average 40 in the Cleveland games before the “BJ Armstrong All-Stars” humiliate the Pistons at the Palace. On second thought, maybe the Cavs will win in 3. Either way, at the end of Sheed’s last game as a Piston, he’ll be sure to give Bronny a long, heartfelt embrace.

DUBBS: Yeah, Sheed’s gotta pass that torch from five years ago. So we both have Sheed gone after this year, but you have him leaving during the series. Where do you see Sheed going? I think both he and Iverson should head to Charlotte and reunite with LB.

BROKEASS: I’m not sure Sheed won’t retire, but if he signs a new deal Charlotte would be a wise decision. Old stomping grounds, old coach, young nucleus. And he could do almost every bit for Emeka Okafor what he did for Ben Wallace. As for Iverson, I don’t give a shit. Stick the “A-I” between “J” and “L” for all I care.

DUBBS: Yeah, Sheed could mentor Okafor like he does Dwight Howard. Except they’d actually be on the same team, making it, y’know, appropriate. And Iverson still has college eligibility, right? He should enroll at Florida International University and play for Isiah. Zeke could teach him how to run the point.

(2) BOSTON CELTICS VS. (7) CHICAGO BULLS

celtics-bulls-deng-shoots-over-pierce

Paul Pierce feels the music. Ty Thomas feels it move.

BROKEASS: I like Chicago to give Boston a hard time in this series. Especially if KG is inactive. The Bulls can match the defensive intensity of these Celts and that will result in some tough-fought games. Maybe even a tough-fought fight. I’ve got the Celtics in 6.

DUBBS: Agreed, Celtics in 6. I like Chicago right now. If they had made it to the 6 seed, I would pick them to upset Orlando. Derrick Rose is coming into his own and he’ll make a mark in this series. Ty Thomas and Noah have been playing well. And who’s gonna guard John Salmons?!?! But I think the Celtics will be super-motivated without KG. Pierce is gonna go off.

BROKEASS: I never thought I would read myself write this, but I think Chicago will suffer for the absence of Luol Deng. They need a calming presence that D-Rose does not yet provide. This will no doubt be his coming-out party as an individual, but this Rose is not yet fully in bloom when it comes to running a team. Ugh, did I just type that? Gag me with a penis. Who dominates the Battle of Connecticut: Gordon or Allen?

DUBBS: Allen, most definitely. He’s had a resurgent year, after recovering from last season’s ankle injuries. He’ll be better than Gordon. And I agree with you about the calming presence of Lu Deng. I’ve fallen asleep many a time watching his boring ass play ball. He’s like Tayshaun Prince without all the flash.

BROKEASS: “Luuuuuuuuu Deng will help you get your ZZZZZZZZ’s.”

(3) ORLANDO MAGIC VS. (6) PHILADELPHIA SEVENTY-SIXERS

Sixers smell defeat.

The Sixers smell defeat.

DUBBS: I don’t believe in Orlando. They are sweetmeat. Hedo is injured, Rafer Alston is not Jameer Nelson, and Dwight Howard is not the dominant offensive player he should be. Teams are too often able to contain him on that end of the floor. Having said that, I don’t see the Sixers posing much of a threat. They just aren’t good. And they have gotten worse lately. D-Ho should feast inside. Orlando in 5.

BROKEASS: Philly will have the advantage at guards, but that won’t matter. Two Andres don’t equal one Dwight. I’m taking Orlando in 4. Are we done talking about this unwatchable series yet?

DUBBS: Yes. The only point of interest in this series is whether Stan Van Gundy will wear a mock turtleneck every single game. SVG – Get you some breathable fabrics and live a little, son!

(4) ATLANTA HAWKS VS. (5) MIAMI HEAT

This is the matchup the Hawks should be concerned with.

This is the tandem the Hawks should be worried about.

BROKEASS: The top 3 in the East should’ve received First Round byes. This is the only series that matters. On paper I have to take the Hawks, but this series seems more likely to come down to these three intangibles: 1) Will D-Wade be infallible; 2) Will the referees treat D-Wade like he’s infallible; and 3) Will the Hawks self-destruct? I predict the series to be unpredictable, but am choosing Atlanta in 7.

DUBBS: Yeah, this is the one that’s up for grabs. Atlanta is a better team than Miami. But Dwyane Wade has been just disgusting. Atlanta has a tendency to fall apart a bit at times. And a Heat win would set up Lebron-Wade for Round 2. So, apologies to the always-overlooked Joe Johnson and the always-undereducated Josh Smith, but I’m picking Miami in 7.

BROKEASS: It is hard to bet against Dwyane if it comes down to Game 7. But I’m betting on an Atlanta team that thrives at home and feels like they let an upset slip away last year in Boston. Miami has too little else besides Wade. Mario Chalmers, you ain’t in Kansas anymore. Mike Bibby has too much playoff experience and too many tattoos to read. If JO somehow comes alive, that’s a different story, but we all know in this world, when you’re dead you stay dead.

DUBBS: Too little else besides Wade? Um… hello? Mike ‘Be Easy” Beasley? Jo-el “son of Jor-el, brother of Kal-el” Anthony? AKA The Gazelle? Udonis “Udonis Haslem” Haslem? And JO is a soldier. He lives to come up short in moments like this. No, it’s all on Wade. If Atlanta can keep Wade under 30 for a game or two, they’ll win. But I don’t think they can do it.

That’s all for the East. Western Conference First Round picks coming up.

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"Don't call me Sharon!"

"Don't call me Sharon!"

Some players, no matter how long they’ve been in school, always feel like fifth-year seniors. Christian Laettner. Mateen Cleaves. Every point guard in Duke history.

Kansas’ Sherron (pronounced: Sure-Ron) Collins is another one of those dudes. Truth is he’s only a junior and it was less than three years ago when he leaped (semi-literally) onto the scene as an under-6-footer out of Chicago with these kinda hops:

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But KryptoNate has hops like that and we don’t give a fuck about KryptoNate (except when he’s getting in naked fistfights with Malik Allen in the shower). Like Nate was at Washington, Collins is a totally electric, stocky, undersized, college point… and looks less like a basketball player than the white kids on the team. Unlike Nate has ever been, Collins is passionate and likeable. He’s Khaled El Amin for the Post-9/11 era.

He received lower billing last year after Chalmers and Rush and Arthur and the gawky giant foreigner and that God-awful Rock Chalk Suck Fuck chant. Now it’s his team and he just carried the rebuilding-year Jayhawks to the Big 12 regular season championship.

He’s about to make up for all the press that eluded him last year. He and that prison rec team from Pitt who look like the second (or third…maybe fourth) coming of the Runnin’ Rebels as of late.

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After spanking UConn like a bad child/masochistic adult for the second time this season they have become my favorite to ruin senior year for Tyler Hansbrough (lifelong sixth-year senior). And isn’t that what this year’s Tourney is all about?

Posted by BA Brokeass

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