Posts Tagged ‘Joe Dumars’

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On ESPN, stat-ass John Hollinger has a piece up about the overrated and underrated in the NBA.  He counts Joe Dumars among the overrated, writing the following:

Let’s look ourselves in the mirror, fellow media members: We’ve all given the guy a free pass because of his amazing run to six straight conference finals and blithely ignored the fact that he’s screwed up a hundred ways from Tuesday since he decided to whack Flip Saunders after the 2008 conference finals.

Check out the résumé and find me a correct decision. Just one. Fire Saunders? Wrong. Hire Michael Curry? Wrong. Trade Chauncey Billups? Wrong. Extend Richard Hamilton? Wrong. Sign Kwame Brown? Wrong. Go after Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva? Wrong again.

In two years, the Pistons have gone from one of the best teams in basketball to among the worst. They stink, they’re capped out, and they don’t have much in the way of young talent; for all we know, in two years they’re going to be the Pittsburgh Pisces or the Seattle Grunge or something. If Isiah Thomas or Rob Babcock had done this, we’d have buried them alive by now, so it’s only fair for us to point out that regardless of his previous track record, Dumars is on a two-year losing streak of McHalian proportions.

Now John Hollinger is barely ever right about anything.  And his job is stupid.  He attempts to boil basketball down to pure numbers, ignoring the obvious-to-anyone-who-watches presence of the unquantifiable.  And he uses his statistics to come up with ludicrous claims just to annoy the shit out of me.  A couple seasons ago, he used a batch of cooked-up numbers to declare Reggie Evans the Greatest Rebounder Ever.  Reggie Evans. If you have statistics and a formula that leads you to the conclusion that Reggie Evans is the greatest rebounder ever, you throw that shit out and start over.  Numbers often lie.  Just ask Greg Oden’s penis.  However…

Anyone following the Pistons the last couple years would have a hard time disagreeing with any of Hollinger’s assertions in the piece.  They’re plain to see.  The last couple years have been a disaster for Dumars.  One wrong move after another.  And Hollinger doesn’t even mention Dumars’ terrible draft record: Darko Milicic, Rodney White, Mateen Cleaves, etc.

Due to his previous successes, I believe Joe Dumars deserves a chance to right the ship.  But given the downward trend of the team from bad to terrible and the looming possibility of new ownership, not to mention rumors he’s not getting along with the current owner, I wonder if Joe D. will even get that chance.

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It's time to say goodbye to the Palace's Prince.

The Pistons beat the lowly Nets last night, ending a five-game losing streak and improving their record to 16-31. Ugh.  This is only their fifth win in their last 24 games.  Oof.  And they scraped out the win, needing a 10-2 run at the end of the game to pull ahead and take it. Ack.

Detroit has scored fewer than 100 points in 23 of their last 24 games and has shot under fifty percent in 24 straight games.  Off-season signings Charlie Villanueva and Ben Gordon have been injured of late (as have Hamilton and Will Bynum), but still…  the team wasn’t supposed to have these offensive deficiencies.

When Chauncey was traded, Joe Dumars described this transitional period as rebuilding on the fly.  It’s past time to dump the ‘on the fly’ nonsense and come to terms with the fact that this team is in full-on rebuilding mode.

One bright spot of late has been the gelling of Rodney Stuckey and Rip Hamilton. They’ve begun playing well together, feeding each other’s games.  In this one, Stuckles had 21 points with 8 assists and 0 turnovers. Richard had 22 points with 7 assists and 5 boards.  This development makes Tayshaun Prince, with his already crappy season, all the more expendable.  It’s time to trade him. And now that he’s healthy again, he’s a very tradeable player.

The latest rumors have a Tayshaun for Carlos Boozer deal being cooked up.  This is not the right move.  Carlos Boozer is a dominant offensive player, a great low-post/paint scorer.  But he’s beyond injury prone, not a great defender, and too small.  The Pistons have one of the weakest frontcourts in the league.  They need a real big man, a defensive presence, someone who can grab boards and alter shots.  They should be going after NY Knick David Lee.   David Lee does all the things the Pistons need, and he can score.  He plays hard every night.  He’s durable. They should have gone after him last summer, when he was right there for the taking, instead of Charlie V.  Detroit won’t be able to afford him this summer, when he becomes an unrestricted free agent.  The Pistons should be trying to trade Tayshaun for David Lee now.  The Knicks won’t re-sign Lee this summer.  They’ll be gunning for Lebron, Wade, Bosh, etc.  And D’Antoni would love Tayshaun, a player he can use at the point forward position, not unlike he used Boris Diaw in Phoenix.

If the Pistons can trade Tayshaun and Jason Maxiell for David Lee, then fuck around in the lottery and pick up DeMarcus Cousins, next year you’re looking at a starting lineup of Rodney Stuckey at the 1, Rip at the 2, Charlie V. at the 3 (at least part of the time), and Cousins and Lee at the 4 and 5 (now that’s a frontcourt!).  With Will Bynum coming off the bench at point, Ben Gordon off the bench in the sharp-shooter/Vinnie Johnson role, everyone’s favorite Swede Jerebko at the 3 while Charlie V. moves to the 4, and the ossified yet awesome bones of Ben Wallace spelling the 4 and 5.  This is a team that can make some noise.

Who’s with me?

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Muscle up, lil’ babies. Western Conference semi-finals: Don’t you ever in your life, when i got a gun, come at me with a knife. A’ight?


Seven games of this? Yes please!

Love will tear us apart.

BROKEASS: Houston’s got the Lakers?! What?! Oh no.

DUBBS: I know! Our bandwagon team is up against the top dog in the West. I love what Houston did in the first round. Ron found some redemption and with that Houston found its identity. But this ain’t the first round and the Lakers are not the Blazers. Houston will push them but the Lakers are too good. Sorry, Ron. Just stay in the tree of trust and keep your shrink on speed dial.

BROKEASS: Win, lose, or fight the crowd – this is Ron-Ron’s series. He’s back, baby! And he seems saner than ever. This has to be the calm before the storm. Where’s that Ron-Ron insanity we all know and love?!

DUBBS: I think Pau Gasol just dunked it over Yao. Seriously, Pau is gonna give Yao fits. He’s way too fast and light on his feet for that gnarly old tree. And he can draw him away from the basket.

BROKEASS: Yao may not be nimble or quick, but he is a rather large candlestick to jump over. And on offense, well, good luck with that Pau. The Lakers can be beaten. Hell, the Pistons even beat them once.

DUBBS: What’s a Piston? The only advantage Houston has over LA is at the point guard position. Aaron Brooks is gonna make Derrick Fisher and Jordan Farmar look like Shrimp Fest at Red Lobster.

BROKEASS: Cheesy biscuits! On paper, the Lakers seem stronger. And on the basketball court, the Lakers beat the Rockets every time they played this season. But Ron-Ron don’t care about first rounds and he DAMN SURE don’t care about regular seasons or positional matchups. He and Shane Battier will corral and harass Kobe all game long. Ron-Ron is moving in to Kobe’s head as we speak. And Ron-Ron is a noisy guest. A frustrated Kobe equals a tentative, nervous Lakers.

DUBBS: In matchups against guys like Kobe, Ron has a tendency to forget he has teammates and turn it into a game of one-on-one. And Kobe is the only guy in the NBA not afraid of Artest. Houston will try to grind but the Lakers are gonna run on them. LA is too fast, too agile and they have too much firepower. We haven’t even talked about Odom and Ariza. And Phil Jackson has spent his career peeing in Rick Adelman’s kitchen sink. Lakers in 6.

BROKEASS: If LA runs, Houston won’t catch them. But Houston’s aim will be to slow the tempo and test their trapping D against that vaunted Triangle Offense. On offense, pick your poison in the post: Yao, Artest, Scola, Landry. The Lakers softies will be overmatched. A quick PG like your boy A-Brooks will average ten dimes on drop-offs alone. No one can phase Kobe over the course of a single game, but in a series, we have seen him unravel. If that happens against the Rockets, Houston will pounce. I’m saying it, Dubbs! UPSET!!! Houston in 6.

DUBBS: Don’t tell Ron and the rest of the Queensbridge soldiers I fell off the bandwagon so quickly. Big Noyd, we meet you at the top kid! Shout to Cormega!


"Put your tongue away, Dirk. You ain't Herr Jordan."

Kenyon laughs at Dirk's Herr Jordan impression.

DUBBS: Did you see that Chauncey Billups received the Joe Dumars Sportsmanship Award last week? That shit’s like rain on a motherfucker’s wedding day, son. Denver is rolling right now but New Orleans rolled over and died on them. They have yet to be tested. This series with Dallas will show us if Denver is for real or not.

BROKEASS: Denver is real. I’ve been there. It’s in Colorado. Oh, you mean as a basketball team. Right, this will test that. But I think they can pass that test. Defense has long been their achilles heel, but Billups has changed that. Scoring was never a problem. This team can now beat you in a variety of ways.

DUBBS: Dallas is coming off of the high of beating their archrival. Chauncey Billups is a much better match-up for Jason Kidd than Tony Parker was. And the Nuggets are starting Dahntay Jones? What the fuck is a Dahntay Jones? Is that the traditional Irish spelling of Dante? Why aren’t they starting JR Smith?

BROKEASS: JR Smith comes off the bench until he learns his lesson from a disciplinary issue four years ago. These are two of the deeper benches in the NBA and the team that best utilizes its reserves will probably win. This will be a battle of JTs and JRs; Carrolls and Kleizas; Birdmen & Balkmen and Basses & Bereas. Gerald Greens. Anthony Carters. You get the picture. A battle of benches.

DUBBS: It’s certainly not gonna be a battle of Centers. Dampier vs. Nene is a wash. I’m not sure who that’s more embarrassing for. Basketball, I guess. Chauncey and J-Kidd may cancel each other out. So it comes down to who’s gonna come up bigger: Dirk or Carmelo. Carmelo is inconsistent. He only had one great game against New Orleans, and he spent the entire series being guarded by the defensive sieve of Peja Stojakovic and the sadness of James Posey. Josh Howard is a much tougher defender. And Dirk, unlike Melo, is consistent. Kenyon can’t take him for seven games.

BROKEASS: Carmelo’s inconsistent scoring hasn’t equalled anything but victories. In years past, Melo’s lack of offensive input spelled automatic doom. But this year he has blended into a balanced offense keyed on enabling the hot hand. His 34 in the N’Orleans closer reminds us that he lives for the big game, even if his pro career hasn’t been prolific with opportunities. If Dirk doesn’t shine, Dallas is probably hopeless. The same is not true of Carmelo and Denver.

DUBBS: Whatever. Carmelo’s head is emptier than the Palace at playoff time. Jason Terry will exploit JR Smith’s awful jigsaw puzzle tattoos. Josh Howard will tempt Birdman with a fattie, getting Birdman kicked out for violating the terms of his reinstatement. Dallas in 7.

BROKEASS: Josh Howard is a Star-Spangled-Banner-hating traitor. If Dallas wins, so do the terrorists. You need to quit siding with anti-American sentiment, Dubbs! Denver in 7 thanks to home court advantage and American pride.

DUBBS: Wait a sec. Dallas has Matt Carroll? Ugh. Can I change my pick?

We’ll be back with our Eastern Conference picks on Monday, assuming Boston and Chicago don’t secede from the NBA and start their own league.

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Is it Easter yet?

"Here today, goo tomorrow."

Joe Dumars announced Wednesday that Michael Curry (aka the poor man’s Vinny Del Negro) would return next season as coach of the Detroit Pistons. Why do I have a sudden craving for a Cadbury Creme Egg? Weird.

Michael Curry is Dumars’ guy. Dumars brought him in to change the culture of apathy and ‘flip-switching’ and it takes more than a year to do that, especially with the holdover of stubborn veterans. And Dumars threw him a hell of a curveball at the start of the season. He let his brand new coach without any head coaching experience make it all the way through training camp before dealing the heart and leader of the team, Chauncey Billups, for Allen Iverson, a player who gave even coaching legend Larry Brown fits for years. Dumars put Curry in a position to fail and he knows it. So Curry gets at least another season to prove that he can fail on his own, without Dumars’ help.

It’s a move that surprised no one. But it’s the wrong move. Hiring Michael Curry in the first place was a mistake. Curry might have made sense as a coach for this mythical ‘team that can coach itself’ we always heard about with the Pistons. But that team only ever existed in the dreamscape of Ben Wallace’s minds-eye.

Quick Facts

So, how do people eat their Creme Egg?

  • 53% of people bite off the top, lick out the ‘creme’ then eat the chocolate
  • 20% just bite straight through
  • 16% use their finger to scoop out the ‘creme’

Use their finger to scoop out the creme? That’s disgusting. Anyway, back to what I was saying:

Curry was undoubtedly handed a tough situation. But all he did was make it worse. He was handed lemons, and he turned them into shit. He made shit-ade. They had an atrocious record in Sunday games, as if they were unprepared to play. They developed a habit of losing leads and falling apart in the 4th quarter. He was indecisive, still fucking with his rotations mere games before the end of the season. And he botched the benchings of both Iverson and Hamilton, taking them out of the starting lineups upon their return from injury – a coaching no-no. Rumor has it that Rip hasn’t been on speaking terms with Curry since the benching, making things even tougher heading into next year (assuming Rip is even here next year).

Curry is not going to get the job done. The Pistons need a coach with more experience. They need a coach who can turn them back into a tough, scrappy squad. Someone who will get the fans excited and strike fear into the hearts of opposing teams. They need this man:


Ain’t nobody thinking of candy when they look at this dude.

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What up, boo?  Straight mean-mugging it over here.

Straight mean-mugging it.

Sitting out for a year and just watching the league and watching how people do things, I think I became even more entrenched in the belief that how I did things was the right way. You become even more confident and more entrenched.” — Phillip ‘Flip’ Saunders.

Flip’s takin’ shots!

Guard your grill, Joe D! Duck, Sheed!

Hold your head, Michael Curry!

Flip continued: “I’m chillin’ at the crib off Lake Minnetonka, Keillor on the radio and ESPN2 on the LCD – no plasma burn-in, dudes – and I see Mike Curry coaching my squad, looking like caramel is gonna come oozing out his ears any second. This is who they 86-ed me for? Cuz he was in a locker-room once? Well it takes more than being on Grant Hill’s practice squad to get on my level. I got mad-complicated offensive schemes, son! My playbook is three-hundred pages long! Curry’s playbook is written in crayon on the back of a Denny’s menu. Ask Sheed if he’s happy now. Matter of fact, tell Sheed he don’t watch his ass, I’m a trade for him and have him running pick-and-pops with Gil Arenas all game – he ain’t never gonna see that ball. Tell him Etan got some poetry he wants to read him. I gotta go – Chauncey’s coming over later and we’re gonna laugh about shit.”

"I will have my revenge.  Sheed, are you listening to me?"

"I will have my revenge! Sheed, are you listening to me? Sheed?"

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