Posts Tagged ‘Dallas Mavericks’

Towards the end of Friday night’s Mavs-Hawks tilt, with his team down by two, Jason Kidd did this:

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This is a true cagey vet move by Kidd.  His team is down, he sees the opposing coach outside of the coaching box, and he takes advantage, initiating the contact and forcing the refs to call a tech on Coach Woodson.  Smart, smart move.  And also kind of dick-ish.  Not bad-dickish like throwing a large cookie at your wife’s face, but good-dickish.  Dickish as a means to an end.

Mike Woodson goes apoplet… apoplect… he gets real, real mad.  Although I get the feeling Mike Woodson loses his shit when he runs out of creamer for his morning coffee.  I’m not saying Woodson is the kind of guy who’ll get so mad about french fries, he’ll punch his wife in the face. I’m just saying he has a temper.  Dun is on edge.  All those years of ill-advised Josh Smith three-pointers will do that to you.

The Mavs went on to win the game in OT.

Jason Kidd is a hero.

Posted by LA Dubbs


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You mean this man doesn't take his craft seriously?

This is what it means to take the high road in the NBA:

Josh Howard, following his trade from Dallas to Washington, announced he desires to “stick it to Dallas” for trading him away. Mark Cuban, our high-road-traveler, outwardly responded:

I wish Josh nothing but the best.″

Then the Mavericks leaked information that Howard likes to get his drink on before games. And not only that, there’s a spot in DC that makes him particularly thirsty. Just ’cause you take the high road doesn’t mean you can’t do some low slouching, eh Mavs?!

It's not like JH is the only one.

Posted by BA Brokeass.

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Cuban and K-Mart: The Follow-Up.

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Way to show ’em you’re no punk, K-Mart.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Insert foot here.

Insert foot here.

Kenyon Martin, never one to mince sound bytes, had this to say after Mark Cuban called K-Mart a punk to his own mamma following Denver’s last second road victory over the Mavericks on Saturday night.

Don’t say nothing to my kids or my family. If you got something to say, say it to me. But I’m going to take care of it. I’m not going to do the whole media thing, back and forth. That’s his thing. I’m more of a face-to-face type of dude.

If you thought the Slapfight between Rafer and House was sissy, the confrontation between Mark Cuban and Kenyon Martin’s mother must make your testicles crawl up into your throat. If it weren’t for Lakers-Rockets I would recommend airing these playoffs on the Oxygen Network.

The thing is, K-Mart is a punk. So when Mark Cuban calls him a punk, he isn’t speaking out of turn. But Mark Cuban is also a punk, so maybe he should’nt be making accusations. Or maybe he should. Who better to recognize a punk than a punk? Except that Mark Cuban is a punk because he calls other people punks. So it’s one big Catch-22.

It takes a pretty big punk to insult someone to their mother. Especially given it was only moments before Mother’s Day. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Kenyon Martin’s mom. You did a poor job raising your punk son. Happy Mother’s Day!” That’s what a punk would say!

Kenyon Martin didn’t need any help proving his own punkhood. When a power-crazed, penis-envious, athlete-fucker like Mark Cuban talks smack, you laugh at him. Instead, K-Mart took the lower road and used thug vocabulary. Is Mark Cuban really worth puffing yourself up for? He was on Dancing with the Stars! He’s a computer nerd. And did I mention he was on Dancing with the Stars?

Furthermore, Kenyon makes the proclamation that he won’t be going through the media…TO THE MEDIA! He then falsely accuses Cuban of using that tactic when, in fact, Cuban made his comment to Martin’s mother’s face. It would’ve been hilarious if Mark Cuban went through the media to call out Kenyon Martin’s mammma. Used a press conference to blast K-Mart’s upbringing. That didn’t happen. If it did, we would’ve posted it.

Most shocking about this whole incident is the realization that Kenyon Martin has a mother. I always thought he came out of Bob Huggins’ butthole. Consider that myth busted.

If you haven't heard, Mark Cuban was on the televison program Dancing with the Stars.

If you haven't heard, Mark Cuban was on the televison program Dancing with the Stars.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Kidd sits out with brain freeze. Dirk supports his guy.

"Start acting sick. When this series is over we'll tell everyone we had swine flu."

Face facts: Dallas is done. I felt like this series was over from the moment K-Mart shoved Dirk in Game 1. The other Mavs just stood around while their leader was maliciously body slammed. Jason Terry is the only one who got in anyone’s face over the assault. J-Kidd does his part, keeping a collected head so that others can vent a little frustration. The only problem is, there’s no one to calm or restrain. Back during the NCAA Tournament, we ran a video of Sparty ready to throw down after a similar slight to one of his dudes. HE’S A FUCKING MASCOT! No one on Dallas has as much heart as a dork in a cartoon Spartan costume. That mascot probably won’t even go pro!

Between the injured Josh Howard and the perfectly healthy Erick Dampier, the Mavs look as thin as Mark Cuban’s logic for trading Devin Harris. Yep, Little Buckaroo, it appears this Lonestar is down to its last twinkle. Dirk and JT were forced to do everything last night, and it wasn’t nearly enough. One of the deepest teams in the League has been reduced to a two-man operation. They’re like the Boston Celtics minus the pride.

It will take all the pride Dallas can muster if they hope to take any games from a Denver squad that has yet to be outscored in the final quarter. Teams that win the fourth are usually well-coached, and since we know this is NOT the case in Denver, much respect due to C-Billups. He brought with him a mantra of discipline and accountability and his teammates have adopted it. And when guys aren’t being disciplined or accountable, they always have Melo’s “Stop Snitching” motto to fall back on. So everything’s cool, baby. Nothing to see here.

The Nuggets are really having fun, so it doesn’t seem like work. The Mavs really have some work ahead of them, which doesn’t seem like fun. You’re dead, Dallas. You just don’t know it yet. Actually, it kind of seems like you do.

"Not now, George. I'm trying to coach my team."

"Not now, George. I'm trying to coach my team."

Posted by BA Brokeass

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For $25,000 you can do this to Dirk Nowitzki:

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Jews, this is what we’ve been hoarding our money for. Line up to shove a German!

Posted by BA Baruch Atta Adonai

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Muscle up, lil’ babies. Western Conference semi-finals: Don’t you ever in your life, when i got a gun, come at me with a knife. A’ight?


Seven games of this? Yes please!

Love will tear us apart.

BROKEASS: Houston’s got the Lakers?! What?! Oh no.

DUBBS: I know! Our bandwagon team is up against the top dog in the West. I love what Houston did in the first round. Ron found some redemption and with that Houston found its identity. But this ain’t the first round and the Lakers are not the Blazers. Houston will push them but the Lakers are too good. Sorry, Ron. Just stay in the tree of trust and keep your shrink on speed dial.

BROKEASS: Win, lose, or fight the crowd – this is Ron-Ron’s series. He’s back, baby! And he seems saner than ever. This has to be the calm before the storm. Where’s that Ron-Ron insanity we all know and love?!

DUBBS: I think Pau Gasol just dunked it over Yao. Seriously, Pau is gonna give Yao fits. He’s way too fast and light on his feet for that gnarly old tree. And he can draw him away from the basket.

BROKEASS: Yao may not be nimble or quick, but he is a rather large candlestick to jump over. And on offense, well, good luck with that Pau. The Lakers can be beaten. Hell, the Pistons even beat them once.

DUBBS: What’s a Piston? The only advantage Houston has over LA is at the point guard position. Aaron Brooks is gonna make Derrick Fisher and Jordan Farmar look like Shrimp Fest at Red Lobster.

BROKEASS: Cheesy biscuits! On paper, the Lakers seem stronger. And on the basketball court, the Lakers beat the Rockets every time they played this season. But Ron-Ron don’t care about first rounds and he DAMN SURE don’t care about regular seasons or positional matchups. He and Shane Battier will corral and harass Kobe all game long. Ron-Ron is moving in to Kobe’s head as we speak. And Ron-Ron is a noisy guest. A frustrated Kobe equals a tentative, nervous Lakers.

DUBBS: In matchups against guys like Kobe, Ron has a tendency to forget he has teammates and turn it into a game of one-on-one. And Kobe is the only guy in the NBA not afraid of Artest. Houston will try to grind but the Lakers are gonna run on them. LA is too fast, too agile and they have too much firepower. We haven’t even talked about Odom and Ariza. And Phil Jackson has spent his career peeing in Rick Adelman’s kitchen sink. Lakers in 6.

BROKEASS: If LA runs, Houston won’t catch them. But Houston’s aim will be to slow the tempo and test their trapping D against that vaunted Triangle Offense. On offense, pick your poison in the post: Yao, Artest, Scola, Landry. The Lakers softies will be overmatched. A quick PG like your boy A-Brooks will average ten dimes on drop-offs alone. No one can phase Kobe over the course of a single game, but in a series, we have seen him unravel. If that happens against the Rockets, Houston will pounce. I’m saying it, Dubbs! UPSET!!! Houston in 6.

DUBBS: Don’t tell Ron and the rest of the Queensbridge soldiers I fell off the bandwagon so quickly. Big Noyd, we meet you at the top kid! Shout to Cormega!


"Put your tongue away, Dirk. You ain't Herr Jordan."

Kenyon laughs at Dirk's Herr Jordan impression.

DUBBS: Did you see that Chauncey Billups received the Joe Dumars Sportsmanship Award last week? That shit’s like rain on a motherfucker’s wedding day, son. Denver is rolling right now but New Orleans rolled over and died on them. They have yet to be tested. This series with Dallas will show us if Denver is for real or not.

BROKEASS: Denver is real. I’ve been there. It’s in Colorado. Oh, you mean as a basketball team. Right, this will test that. But I think they can pass that test. Defense has long been their achilles heel, but Billups has changed that. Scoring was never a problem. This team can now beat you in a variety of ways.

DUBBS: Dallas is coming off of the high of beating their archrival. Chauncey Billups is a much better match-up for Jason Kidd than Tony Parker was. And the Nuggets are starting Dahntay Jones? What the fuck is a Dahntay Jones? Is that the traditional Irish spelling of Dante? Why aren’t they starting JR Smith?

BROKEASS: JR Smith comes off the bench until he learns his lesson from a disciplinary issue four years ago. These are two of the deeper benches in the NBA and the team that best utilizes its reserves will probably win. This will be a battle of JTs and JRs; Carrolls and Kleizas; Birdmen & Balkmen and Basses & Bereas. Gerald Greens. Anthony Carters. You get the picture. A battle of benches.

DUBBS: It’s certainly not gonna be a battle of Centers. Dampier vs. Nene is a wash. I’m not sure who that’s more embarrassing for. Basketball, I guess. Chauncey and J-Kidd may cancel each other out. So it comes down to who’s gonna come up bigger: Dirk or Carmelo. Carmelo is inconsistent. He only had one great game against New Orleans, and he spent the entire series being guarded by the defensive sieve of Peja Stojakovic and the sadness of James Posey. Josh Howard is a much tougher defender. And Dirk, unlike Melo, is consistent. Kenyon can’t take him for seven games.

BROKEASS: Carmelo’s inconsistent scoring hasn’t equalled anything but victories. In years past, Melo’s lack of offensive input spelled automatic doom. But this year he has blended into a balanced offense keyed on enabling the hot hand. His 34 in the N’Orleans closer reminds us that he lives for the big game, even if his pro career hasn’t been prolific with opportunities. If Dirk doesn’t shine, Dallas is probably hopeless. The same is not true of Carmelo and Denver.

DUBBS: Whatever. Carmelo’s head is emptier than the Palace at playoff time. Jason Terry will exploit JR Smith’s awful jigsaw puzzle tattoos. Josh Howard will tempt Birdman with a fattie, getting Birdman kicked out for violating the terms of his reinstatement. Dallas in 7.

BROKEASS: Josh Howard is a Star-Spangled-Banner-hating traitor. If Dallas wins, so do the terrorists. You need to quit siding with anti-American sentiment, Dubbs! Denver in 7 thanks to home court advantage and American pride.

DUBBS: Wait a sec. Dallas has Matt Carroll? Ugh. Can I change my pick?

We’ll be back with our Eastern Conference picks on Monday, assuming Boston and Chicago don’t secede from the NBA and start their own league.

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