NBA Playoffs: Ticklefight Edition

Dont mess with Kwame - he's from the mean dirtmounds of Georgia.

As the first half of last night’s Cavs-Pistons debacle came to a close, Kwame Brown and Darnell Jackson got into a mild skirmish with each other at half-court. I tried to find video of the incident to post here but it doesn’t seem to exist. It’s not in any of the highlight reels. It’s as if God erased it from the annals of time. And probably for good reason.

Dick Bavetta stepped in and broke it up, but had these two fought, it’d be one of those fights where they wouldn’t start swinging until about fifteen people were between them. Both players would do that punching-while-backing-up thing (the Carmelo special) until they were just at opposite ends of the court, throwing punches into the air.

I think the argument was about who could get back to the bench the fastest. They’re gonna race each other out of the NBA.

First one to Maccabi Tel Aviv wins!

Posted by LA Dubbs

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The Finger’s Last Wag

With all the fragile big men in this series, who guessed it would be timeless Dikembe that falls?

The Pacific Northwest is infamous for its rainy seasons, but if you felt rain drops in Portland last night, they may have come from the eyes of a giant. On Tuesday, Houston’s Dikembe Mutombo tearfully said goodbye to his playing days.

He went down jostling for position in the post, just like he had a million times over his eighteen-year career. His leg tangled with that of Greg Oden and something gave out. It could have been either of them, and given Oden’s unfortunate health, one might have predicted it be him. Instead, it was Dikembe, falling for the last time.

“Nobody ever thought they’d be carrying the big guy out like a wounded soldier,” he said. I’m not sure that is true. Dikembe, like most players with more than a healthy supply of passion and heart, could not have left basketball any other way. They had to carry him out just to get him to leave the party.

It seems fitting that Oden was present at Dikembe’s Last Stand. Much has been unreasonably stated about Greg’s potential. He will not be the next Shaq or Kareem or Hakeem, or even Yao. If health and luck permit, he could find himself the second coming of Mutombo. This is no small praise of Greg’s abilities. After Bill Russell, Deke was the greatest defensive center of all-time.

Physiologically-speaking, it never hurt that Dikembe Mutombo was seven feet and two inches tall, with an even wider wingspan. But beyond that, he had an innate gift for tracking the ball quickest. When a shot clanged off the rim, he wasn’t just the highest in the air, he was the first. He didn’t just block a shot on length, he timed it. His patented finger wag was not just a symbol he had bested your body, but your mind.

For the better part of a decade, he was unmatched as a game-changing defender. He was also unmatched as the League’s most lovable large. Perhaps it is Greg Oden’s turn to be both. Their legs and destinies tangled last night, and the Fates decided there could be only one. The last of the old guard has fallen and the new era is fully upon us. Anyone else feel old?

Who wanna sex Mutombo?

Posted by BA Brokeass

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Party Time in Hotlanta!

Fuck this guy's life.

Before the NBA Playoffs began, Dwyane Wade and Udonis Haslem, co-captains of the Miami Heat, set a no-partying policy for their team during the post-season.

If I were Wade and Haslem, I would’ve gone with the no-pants policy. It would have helped just as much (maybe more – Mike Beasley’s thighs are an inspiration). The Heat lost their first game in Atlanta by 26 points. Maybe they should’ve played drunk.

One of the best pick-up games I’ve ever played was when I was brutally hungover. I couldn’t think, so my mind went quiet and I just reacted. That story is obviously analogous to a group of professional basketball players in the playoffs so shut up.

Dwyane and Zo get their party on at the early bird buffet.

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NBA Playoffs: Pussycake Edition

Bitchmade.

Last night, Tony Parker had his way with the Mavs, scoring 38 points on the way to a 105-84 win by the Spurs. Parker had 19 points in the first quarter! Afterwards, the Mavs’ Erick Dampier had this to say:

Every time he comes in the lane, we have to put him on his back. The first foul has to let him know it’s going to be a long night. I’m going to do that with my first foul Thursday. I guarantee it.”

There’s nothing so terrifying as being threatened by the man Shaquille O’Neal once referred to as ‘Ericka’ Dampier.

This is laughable on so many levels. First, way to wait until Tiny drops 38 on you to decide you’re going to get tough. Second, real tough guys don’t talk. Charles Oakley didn’t tell people he was gonna lay them out. He just laid them out. And finally, come off it, Erick. You ain’t hurtin’ nothin’! You touch Tony Parker and Tim Duncan will put you on your big, immobile ass. Shit, Parker might even lay you out himself.

As my Bubby used to say, there’s nothing worse than a fugazy. Wait, that was Tim Thomas. I get them mixed up sometimes. Either way… just do you, Erick. You’re the definition of a gentle giant. Just sit your wide ass on the bench and write you some poetry about the arc of the ball as it soars through the air or the plight of the ballboy or some shit.

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Sixers Strike First

Anytime Reggie Evans and Donyell Marshall are happy, I'm unhappy.

You simply don’t blow eighteen-point home-court leads, like Orlando did in Game 1 against Philly, and go on to win championships. A real coach wouldn’t let that happen. Stan Van Gundy has become every bit the distraction of Larry Brown, without the smarts or resume. If LB had been coaching the Magic on Sunday, crew members would still be cleaning up chunks of his exploded head. With SVG, it’s just the usual pool of flop sweat. The ‘Yoffs may have just begun, but the Magic are already finished.

All hating on the mentally-weak aside, Andre Iguodala’s game-winner was the highlight of the weekend. Watch Iggy hop:

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It looks like they’re dancing. Get that Turkish gypsy step outta here, Hedo! Iggy came to stomp the yard!

Posted by BA Brokeass

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NBA Playoffs: Weekend Notes

Aaron Brooks stays well-fed.

Rockets 108, Blazers 81: When I said Aaron Brooks was gonna eat, I was thinking a light meal. Y’know, soup, salad, maybe some breadsticks. But Aaron set up an all-you-can-eat buffet in the Rose Garden, going for 27 points, 7 assists and 4 rebounds as the Rockets destroyed the Blazers in Portland. Yao shot a perfect 9 for 9, scoring all 24 of his points in the first half as the Rockets came strong out of the gate. This was clearly a case of one team being ready and the other… not so much. I’m sure the Blazers will find their legs.

Hawks 90, Heat 64: This one surprised me. The Hawks were motivated. When’s the last time that happened? Last year’s playoffs, I guess. Atlanta held D-Wade to 19 points. I don’t see that happening again. If it does, this series is over. On another note, I take Josh Smith’s performance from the free thow line (5-6) as a personal insult. Josh Smith was on my fantasy team this season and was a disaster from the free throw line – lots of 1 for 7 performances.

Sixers 100, Magic 98: The Magic had something to prove in this game and they failed to do it. They gave up an eighteen-point lead at home to a crappy Sixers squad. I’m still sure the Magic will win this series, but they aren’t going anywhere this year, as usual. Magic = softbatch.

Nuggets 113, Hornets 84: Chauncey Billups had 36 points, hitting a career playoff high 8 three-pointers and still finding time to drop 8 dimes. Ouch. Meanwhile…

Cavs 102, Pistons 84: Lebron James abused Tayshaun Prince (what else is new?) for 38, 8 and 8 while Tay responded with 4 , 2 and 2. No single player can really hope to stop Lebron but it’s been clear for a while now that LBJ is inside Tayshaun’s head. The one ray of hope for the Pistons in this game: Stuckey scored 20 and played fairly well. Stuckey has to play well for this series to be worth anything to the Pistons.

Bulls 105, Celtics 103: Derrick Rose blew up for 36 points and 11 assists as the Bulls stunned the Celtics in OT. As predicted, the Bulls have come to play. But I don’t think the Celtics are in trouble. Yet. Rajon Rondo put in a good one with 29 points, 7 assists and 9 rebounds.

Mavs 105, Spurs 97: The Mavs were down 11 after the first quarter, but came back to win their first road playoff game in three years. Tim Duncan and Tony Parker played well. BUT THERE’S NOBODY ELSE!! Big win for the Mavs.

Lakers 113, Jazz 100: The Lakers were ready to go. No surprise there. The Jazz’ advantage at point guard was clear – Deron Williams had 17 assists – but it didn’t matter. Trevor Ariza had 21 for the Purp-and-Gold. And Kobe did this:

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Bulls-Celtics and Mavs-Spurs get their game 2 on tonight.

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NBA Playoff Predictions: First Round, Western Conference

Go West, young man, and grow up with the country. It’s time for our Western Conference picks!

(1) LOS ANGELES LAKERS VS. (8) UTAH JAZZ

"Ronnie, I said tweak it and blow on it, not palm it!"

BROKEASS: Utah didn’t pick the best time to start playing their worst basketball of the season, but they should be better and I think they will be better. The Lakers clearly are better. In virtually every way. That being said, I think the Jazz are being prematurely written-off. Deron Williams is going to annihilate Derek Fisher and Utah is historically brutal for visiting teams. But those factors will only serve to delay the inevitable. Lakers in 6.

DUBBS: Utah has a lot of talent. And a good coach. And the most awful fans in the League. But they’ve been sucking it lately. And the Lakers are too good – easily the best in the West. Lakers in 4.

BROKEASS: Utah has some chemistry issues, but the playoffs can often resolve that. Ask Rasheed Wallace. Besides, Boozer, Memo, and Millsap need to have strong showings if they hope to earn big free agent paychecks. The Lakers are cocky right now, as the result of too many people declaring them de facto Champions of the West. I think they’re going to be tested.

DUBBS: The Lakers are too deep, too versatile, too good and too Kobe. The Lakers may be tested, but it won’t be by this mötley crüe. A team is not going to have an epiphany and suddenly find themselves while playing a juggernaut like the Lakers. They are going to suddenly find themselves getting crushed. And, as Cleveland found out, if you have to rely on Carlos Boozer, you’re in trouble.

BROKEASS: How dare you? Carlos Boozer is the type of guy you trust with your kids.

(2) DENVER NUGGETS VS. (7) NEW ORLEANS HORNETS

"James, I can feel the baby kicking!"

DUBBS: Denver can be an up-and-down team. But Chauncey will give them the stability they need in the playoffs. Chris Paul will certainly pose a lot of problems for him but he won’t abuse Le Chaunce the way he did J-Kidd in their matchup last playoffs. And Billups is too big for Paul on the offensive end. He should be able to get what he needs. Mostly, the Hornets are just way too thin. Denver in 5.

BROKEASS: Sure, Mr. Big Shot is nice, but what about Big Game James Posey? I think this series goes to 7 because, while neither team floors me, I like the clutchness of both. CP3 will be singularly good enough to stretch it, but not win it. Carmelo at the buzzer, Denver in 7.

DUBBS: Wow, you’re calling it down to the buzzer!? Neck tattoo to Neck tattoo. I like it. I don’t see it, but I like it. Also, Big Game James has to be the least-maintained nickname since Mr. Big Shot. Carmelo Anthony will roll right over him.

BROKEASS: Fine, forget about the dagger-thrower James Posey. Get ready for the epic resurgence of Tyson Chandler!

DUBBS: They sent Chandler to the OKC Thunder and the Thunder sent him back! They have like three guys on that team. Nothing but roster spots. And they returned his ass! One last reason Denver will win: The Birdman is gonna fly!

(3) SAN ANTONIO SPURS VS. (6) DALLAS MAVERICKS

Who will survive the standing-8 count?

BROKEASS: This is one of those series where home-court doesn’t matter. And not just because the teams play down the road from each other. No two teams understand each other better than the Spurs and Mavs and I expect every game to be tightly contested. This battle won’t be as epic as previous ones, but it stands to be one of the better match-ups in a pretty weak crop of first-round pairings. In the end, I am picking San Antonio, because they just don’t know how to lose this early. Plus, my knees creak when I think about what Tony Parker is going to do to J-Kidd. Spurs in 7.

DUBBS: The Mavs are playing well. Dirk is Dirk. Jason Terry is instant offense off the bench. Yes, TP will undoubtedly torch Jason Kidd. But Carlisle has done a good job with Kidd this season. He’s hidden him well enough on D and worked him less on O, so he’s actually shooting the best he has in forever. And Jason Kidd is a lot of things but choke artist isn’t one of them. Ginobli is out. The Spurs ain’t winning without their Big Three. The Mavs have too much firepower. Mavs in 7.

BROKEASS: Dirk is Dirk, yes, for better and worse. Meanwhile, Timmy D is always Timmy D and that equals money in the bank. Rick Carlisle may be able to hide Kidd’s weaknesses, but not his own. Pop will straight-up father him. If these games stay close, and you know they will, are you betting the farm (ranch?) on the provens or the dis-provens? If Dallas was a youthful, athletic team I might pick them against the step-slower Spurs. But Dallas equals San Antonio in decrepitude. They expended too much fuel fighting for that 6 spot, and a half-tank of gas won’t get them out of San Antonio.

DUBBS: First of all, Dallas has beaten San Antonio before. Second, Timmy D ain’t always Timmy D. He’s aging. And without Manu there to extend and break down the defense, Dallas can key in on Duncan a lot more. Are Parker and Duncan gonna run pick-and-rolls every single play? The Spurs have two guys. That’s it. Are you really going to take Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Gregg Popovich’s pre-season beard against Dirk, Jason Terry, Jason Kidd, Josh Howard and a serviceable bench? And while I would never argue that Rick Carlisle is as good a coach as Popovich, he’s certainly a better coach than Avery Johnson. Everyone keeps saying you’ve gotta pick the Spurs until they lose. Well the Spurs have lost. Their supporting cast, like Manu’s hair, gets thinner every year. (The NBA: Where Zing! Happens.) Until they inject some young blood into that squad to support their Big Three, it’s over.

BROKEASS: You have no idea what Matt Bonner is capable of.

(4) PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS VS. (5) HOUSTON ROCKETS

Big Tree Fall Hard.

DUBBS: I really like Portland. They’re a gutsy young squad, with one of my favorite players in the NBA (Brandon Roy), a guy I really want to see succeed (Greg Oden), and a good, tough coach. But… Houston is a really good defensive team. Ron Artest and Shane Battier are gonna eat these young boys’ lunches. The two-headed power forward beast of Luis Scola and Carl Landry will swallow LaMarcus Aldridge up. And while Yao has trouble against smaller, more agile big men like Amare, he’s gonna play really well against Oden and Joel Pryzbilla. Plus, Tracy McGrady’s out – another point in Houston’s favor. I want Portland to win. But I’m picking Houston. In 7.

BROKEASS: Yao will be the best big man on the court, but Portland has plenty of bodies to throw at him. Przybilla and Channing Frye are lacking individually, but combine to provide a nice complement of skills and fouls. I predict Greg Oden makes serious noise in these playoffs. Let’s not forget, everyone questioned him in college until the Tournament. Then no one questioned him. Some guys are just built for this shit. I think Yao might be the McGrady to Oden’s Tayshaun Prince. Brandon Roy will have difficult match-ups, but is another guy who seems built for the playoffs. He was born with a veteran’s swagger. This should be a solid series; each team holds a few advantages. Portland secured home-court advantage by winning one more home game than Houston, and that will be the same difference in this series. I want Portland to win too…And they will. Blazers in 7.

DUBBS: If Greg Oden were “just built for this shit,” he wouldn’t keep breaking down. Oden is like the reverse Benjamin Button. The matchup between him and Yao is the immobile object vs. the unmoving force. Who will shatter into a thousand pieces first? Seriously, those dudes might break each other. They’re gonna finish the series playing wheelchair ball. Also, nice 2003 Tayshaun vs. McGrady reference. Way to broaden our readership.

BROKEASS: I thought 2003 was relevant in this series, since it was the last time Houston had a point guard. Seriously, who is their PG? Aaron Brooks? Kyle Lowry? Steve Blake is going to own those punks…And that line has never been written ever! This Houston group has never made it out of the first round for good reason: They are always a piece or two short. This year is no different. Of course, if Ron-Ron shows up in rare form (either as a player or an asshole), all bets are off. But I can’t wager on a team with so many question marks.

DUBBS: If Aaron Brooks is given a place at the table, he will eat! It only makes sense that Houston would finally get out of the first round without McGrady. It’ll allow his spiral of depression to continue to run its course. And too much is being made of Portland as the only team in the West that can challenge the Lakers. They haven’t even been in the playoffs since they were the Jailblazers. Jumps like that don’t happen in the NBA. It’s more of a steady progression. And Houston is ready to take that next step.

That’s it for the First Round. Check back throughout the playoffs for more tomfoolery.

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NBA Playoff Predictions: First Round, Eastern Conference

Our picks are in, complete with expert analysis! Don’t blame us when your bookie comes to collect.

(1) CLEVELAND CAVALIERS VS. (8) DETROIT PISTONS

"Scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind, smiles we gave to one another, for the way we were."

Let’s get this one out of the way.

DUBBS: Cavs in 4. The Cavs are really hard to beat at home. I see the Cavs winning the first two at home, with at least the second game being a close one. After going down 0-2, the Pistons will fold. Goodbye Iverson. Bye-bye Sheed. Hello… Paul Millsap?

BROKEASS: I’m going with the Cavs in 3. No, seriously, Lebron will carve the Pistons up just like he did the last two times these teams faced off in the playoffs. He’ll average 40 in the Cleveland games before the “BJ Armstrong All-Stars” humiliate the Pistons at the Palace. On second thought, maybe the Cavs will win in 3. Either way, at the end of Sheed’s last game as a Piston, he’ll be sure to give Bronny a long, heartfelt embrace.

DUBBS: Yeah, Sheed’s gotta pass that torch from five years ago. So we both have Sheed gone after this year, but you have him leaving during the series. Where do you see Sheed going? I think both he and Iverson should head to Charlotte and reunite with LB.

BROKEASS: I’m not sure Sheed won’t retire, but if he signs a new deal Charlotte would be a wise decision. Old stomping grounds, old coach, young nucleus. And he could do almost every bit for Emeka Okafor what he did for Ben Wallace. As for Iverson, I don’t give a shit. Stick the “A-I” between “J” and “L” for all I care.

DUBBS: Yeah, Sheed could mentor Okafor like he does Dwight Howard. Except they’d actually be on the same team, making it, y’know, appropriate. And Iverson still has college eligibility, right? He should enroll at Florida International University and play for Isiah. Zeke could teach him how to run the point.

(2) BOSTON CELTICS VS. (7) CHICAGO BULLS

Paul Pierce feels the music. Ty Thomas feels it move.

BROKEASS: I like Chicago to give Boston a hard time in this series. Especially if KG is inactive. The Bulls can match the defensive intensity of these Celts and that will result in some tough-fought games. Maybe even a tough-fought fight. I’ve got the Celtics in 6.

DUBBS: Agreed, Celtics in 6. I like Chicago right now. If they had made it to the 6 seed, I would pick them to upset Orlando. Derrick Rose is coming into his own and he’ll make a mark in this series. Ty Thomas and Noah have been playing well. And who’s gonna guard John Salmons?!?! But I think the Celtics will be super-motivated without KG. Pierce is gonna go off.

BROKEASS: I never thought I would read myself write this, but I think Chicago will suffer for the absence of Luol Deng. They need a calming presence that D-Rose does not yet provide. This will no doubt be his coming-out party as an individual, but this Rose is not yet fully in bloom when it comes to running a team. Ugh, did I just type that? Gag me with a penis. Who dominates the Battle of Connecticut: Gordon or Allen?

DUBBS: Allen, most definitely. He’s had a resurgent year, after recovering from last season’s ankle injuries. He’ll be better than Gordon. And I agree with you about the calming presence of Lu Deng. I’ve fallen asleep many a time watching his boring ass play ball. He’s like Tayshaun Prince without all the flash.

BROKEASS: “Luuuuuuuuu Deng will help you get your ZZZZZZZZ’s.”

(3) ORLANDO MAGIC VS. (6) PHILADELPHIA SEVENTY-SIXERS

The Sixers smell defeat.

DUBBS: I don’t believe in Orlando. They are sweetmeat. Hedo is injured, Rafer Alston is not Jameer Nelson, and Dwight Howard is not the dominant offensive player he should be. Teams are too often able to contain him on that end of the floor. Having said that, I don’t see the Sixers posing much of a threat. They just aren’t good. And they have gotten worse lately. D-Ho should feast inside. Orlando in 5.

BROKEASS: Philly will have the advantage at guards, but that won’t matter. Two Andres don’t equal one Dwight. I’m taking Orlando in 4. Are we done talking about this unwatchable series yet?

DUBBS: Yes. The only point of interest in this series is whether Stan Van Gundy will wear a mock turtleneck every single game. SVG – Get you some breathable fabrics and live a little, son!

(4) ATLANTA HAWKS VS. (5) MIAMI HEAT

This is the tandem the Hawks should be worried about.

BROKEASS: The top 3 in the East should’ve received First Round byes. This is the only series that matters. On paper I have to take the Hawks, but this series seems more likely to come down to these three intangibles: 1) Will D-Wade be infallible; 2) Will the referees treat D-Wade like he’s infallible; and 3) Will the Hawks self-destruct? I predict the series to be unpredictable, but am choosing Atlanta in 7.

DUBBS: Yeah, this is the one that’s up for grabs. Atlanta is a better team than Miami. But Dwyane Wade has been just disgusting. Atlanta has a tendency to fall apart a bit at times. And a Heat win would set up Lebron-Wade for Round 2. So, apologies to the always-overlooked Joe Johnson and the always-undereducated Josh Smith, but I’m picking Miami in 7.

BROKEASS: It is hard to bet against Dwyane if it comes down to Game 7. But I’m betting on an Atlanta team that thrives at home and feels like they let an upset slip away last year in Boston. Miami has too little else besides Wade. Mario Chalmers, you ain’t in Kansas anymore. Mike Bibby has too much playoff experience and too many tattoos to read. If JO somehow comes alive, that’s a different story, but we all know in this world, when you’re dead you stay dead.

DUBBS: Too little else besides Wade? Um… hello? Mike ‘Be Easy” Beasley? Jo-el “son of Jor-el, brother of Kal-el” Anthony? AKA The Gazelle? Udonis “Udonis Haslem” Haslem? And JO is a soldier. He lives to come up short in moments like this. No, it’s all on Wade. If Atlanta can keep Wade under 30 for a game or two, they’ll win. But I don’t think they can do it.

That’s all for the East. Western Conference First Round picks coming up.

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One and Dumb

Little Robbie decided to leave preschool early and enter the NBA draft.

When Blake Griffin and Hasheem Thabeet declared their eligibility for the upcoming NBA Draft, it was sort of like Winter declaring it’s cold in February. No shit. Those two are the reasons a draft is even being held. When DeJuan Blair joined them I wasn’t surprised either. Clearly, he is a fully-developed man. He is a fully-developed two men. Shawn Taggart of Memphis is also eligible, though, what is he, like a tenth-year sophomore? He’s that dude yelling “You can’t fire me ’cause I quit!” as security tosses him from the building. You know who else is eligible for the Draft? Everyone else who doesn’t go to college anymore.

The obvious candidates have thrown their hats in the ring. Here is where things get interesting. Every year a handful of talented but unseasoned freshmen “stick with the plan” and forego remaining eligibility to enter the draft once their minimum requirement is fulfilled. These youngsters have a success ratio comparable to drunk people trying to jump over things. For every Carmelo Anthony there are a dozen Javaris Crittentons. Reading that name resulted in one of two responses: Either, “Who is Javaris Crittenton?” or, “Oh yeaaaaaah, Javaris Crittenton!” No one, and I mean no one, finished that sentence and said, “Not Javaris!”

That dude is so well-traveled I am struggling to choose between nicknaming him “The Stewardess” or “Chauncey Billups”. You make the call. Oh, right, you don’t know who he is.

Several examples have already identified themselves this year. PG Jrue Holiday is leaving UCLA after one year despite a season playing marginal basketball in a marginal conference. Tyreke Evans is bolting Memphis even though his lack of a jumper and poor shot selection will probably annoy Larry Brown or some such coach into an unnecessary aneurysm. Do you see what I’m saying? It’s not healthy to send these kids to the Majors!

Those are the small-fries, let’s not forget the Biggie size. 7-foot BJ Mullins of Ohio State can look forward to several years of consistent embarrassment when he enters the League this Spring. Though I’m sure he is used to that after failing to win the starting center position on a team that didn’t have a center. That’s exactly what the NBA is looking for: Guys who aren’t good enough to fill gaping holes!

I want to spend my own money to send DeJuan Wagner and Stromile Swift to all these kids’ houses for wake-up calls.

Georgetown’s Greg Monroe is the first sensible star to announce he is returning for his sophomore season. Good for him, he wasn’t that great this year. In a year or two he will probably be phenomenal. And I’m sure Tyler Hansborough is petitioning to use some of these departing players’ eligibilities like they are rollover minutes. Nice try, Ty-Ty. Now get the fuck out of college basketball!

We learned several years ago that drafting on potential doesn’t work. Carmelo Anthony had tremendous upside, but he was also just tremendous. The NBA is for players ready to take the next step, but for too many of them that next step is backwards. No one has time to teach these kids the basics, certainly not while also paying them millions of guaranteed dollars.

Good today is better than perfect tomorrow. There is no future in professional sports; only now. When you make your opening statement unprepared you just make a bad and lasting first impression. Stay in college, kids. Get an education. Even if it is only in basketball.

BJ Mullins doing the thing he does best: Look confused

Posted by BA Brokeass.

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Zeke U

Isiah's return to school may not be as celebrated as his departure.

Isiah Thomas is bringing the TRUCK PARTY to Florida International University!

In a bizarre turn of events, Isiah Thomas has been hired to coach men’s basketball at FIU. Oh, how the fallen have fallen even further.

As many of you know, I got my masters in swagger-jacking from Florida International University and while I can assure you that it is indeed located in Florida, it is most definitely not international.

Isiah announced today that he would donate his first year’s salary to the basketball program. That’s the saddest thing about this whole story. Isiah couldn’t even get the gig at someplace like Xavier, or Memphis, or even Liberty. Y’know, schools with actual basketball programs. Instead, Isiah will be working for free and donating his earnings to establish the basketball program he’s going to coach. Why not just start your own college and coach basketball there?

Sex Truck University! The STU Sunts!

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New FIU recruiting slogan: “Are you gonna get in the truck?”

Or perhaps “Bitch, I don’t give a fuck about these white people.”

So many to choose from.

Posted by LA Dubbs

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