The pre-game pose possibilities are both endless and terrifying.
It’s been a wild week in the NBA; so wild that it woke a sleeping Fennis from his summer’s slumber. “Zzzzzzzz…Huh? Shaq MMA fight?…Zzzzzzzzzz…Uh what? Fab Oberto a Piston?…grgh…Zzzzzzzzzzzz.”
What woke me for good was the sound of the giant, Shaquille O’Neal, fee-fi-fo-fumming his way from Phoenix to Cleveland in exchange for Big Ben, Little Sasha, and the 46th pick in a draft stocked with five quality players. In other words, Phoenix gave Shaq away for free. And why wouldn’t they? Big Grumpitude had his moments (most of them were in the All-Star Game), but ultimately failed to help the Suns rise. He is paid too large a sum of money to simply tear a team apart with menopause.
He will probably do well in Cleveland and likely be the piece that elevates them to the top of the East again. The over/under is three minutes on how long before Shaq uses his pairing with Lebron to call out Championship Kobe. When a Shaq puppet appears slanderously rapping about Kobe having small genitalia I won’t have to say I told you so. You’ll just know, and we’ll nod at each other.
Ben Wallace will retire to Phoenix just like many an old Jew. Did you ever think Ben Wallace would be compared to an old Jew when he was a 6’7″ center putting up Hakeem-like board and blocks numbers as the top defender in the league? When Big Ben and Shaq were battling down low late in the 2004-2006 playoffs, did you ever think they would both be involved in a two-team salary dump?
For Shaq, this is his last chance. For Wallace, it’s just his way out. A playmaking sharp-shooter like Sasha Pavlovic actually might thrive in Phoenix, but that’s a story for another post. You can expect that post approximately…never. If you’re even interested in that post I want you to leave this site forever.
Look at Kobe all pretending not to listen.
Posted by BA Brokeass
