Love You Some Rondo

Brokeass video! For no goddamn reason!

Posted by BA Brokeass.

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Dunks & Punks

Straight outta the quaint suburban hood called Cleveland…

And James Johnson was never heard from again.

But when you look at it from another angle a different story is revealed.

And James Johnson was never heard from before. You can’t dunk on what never was.

Fat crackhead.

Posted by BA Brokeass.

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Brokeass Video: Deron Williams FTW!

Remember when I told you I’d deliver a brand new Brokeass video every Friday? Well I lied. It’s been weeks! And just when you finally got over the hurt here I am again with a brand new Brokeass video on a Friday. And I did it to teach you a lesson. That lesson is: People lie. And they let you down. And just when you get over the hurt they go ahead and reopen the wound. And it’s the most important people who burn you the worst; like your father or your lover or BA Brokeass. I would say I’m sorry, but the truth is this needed to happen. Because now you can get over what your father did to you. He’s just a man, and you’re not so perfect yourself. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re welcome. Now here’s the video:

Had to give the NBA some love after I bashed them so hard yesterday. I still got nothin’ but grandmotherly love for you, NBA.

Posted by BA Brokeass.

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I’d Like to Single Eliminate the NBA Playoffs

Aaron Brooks catches a nap before the endless NBA Playoffs begin.

Dubbs, you can pretend to care about these grown-ass men if it makes you feel better about aging, but me, I’m clinging to youth until the cops yank me off.

The NCAA Tournament is like when your cool-couple friends get married and everyone eats and gets drunk and dances until the reception hall smells like the dumpster behind a Taco Bell. The only downer at the cool-couple wedding is when your lame-couple friends who are soberly having fun for entirely different reasons have to remind everyone that their upcoming wedding will be just as much fun as this one. Everyone disingenuously agrees and begins hoping for a conflicting funeral or Bris that weekend. The lame-couple wedding is the NBA Playoffs.

Now I’m not saying the NBA should invoke a single-elimination, field of 64 tournament like college has. Mostly because there aren’t 64 teams in the league, which means non-NBA teams would have to be included like Benetton Treviso or the Rio Grande Valley Vipers or the New Jersey Nets. And no one wants to see that.

I’m not sure what I think the NBA should do differently, I just know the NCAA Tournament is better. Every year one NBA team’s city gets to declare, “We won!” at the end of the NBA Playoffs. Meanwhile, one million bracket champions get to declare, “I won!” at the end of the NCAA Tournament. It all sunk in while watching the final few seconds tick off the clock in West Virginia’s second round victory over Missouri on Sunday, gasping at every guffaw and heralding every heroic from “my team,” the victorious Mountaineers. I don’t care about West Virginia. I definitely done care about Missouri. Hell, I often forget they are states let alone colleges.  And yet there I was offering the focus of a doting parent to a game between two teams that don’t matter. Why? Because it affected my bracket, and the NCAA Tournament, more than any other playoffs, is about me rooting for me.

By the way, my bracket is kicking ass, Dubbs. You should root for me, too.

Look, I know there’s something to be said for a classic seven-game slugout between great, evenly-matched teams. But I’m not the Brokeass to say it. To me, a seven-game series is just a six-game preview for the one game I wanna see. Name the greatest Game 3 in history. You can’t. The greatest Game 3 ever was sheer agony, like every other Game 3. The NCAA knows the key to keeping my attention is to leave me wanting more. NBA Playoffs, girl, you text too much.

West Virginia, I could not be happier over your victory. Now kindly please lose.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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We Takes Our Ball And We Goes Home

Let’s be honest:  The last year or so has been rough for Michigan sports fans.  Between the rapid decline of the Pistons, the bottom falling out of the University of Michigan football program, the struggle to return to pre-sanctions relevance for the UMich basketball team, the Tigers’ woes, the Red Wings losing the Cup, and the continued shitification of the Lions, there hasn’t been a lot to cheer about.

But during Friday’s Big Ten Tournament match-up between Michigan and Ohio State, when Manny Harris hit a clutch shot to put the Wolverines up two with 2 seconds left, a little ray of light poked through the storm clouds.  Maybe, just maybe, we thought.  Eh, we should’ve known better.  And honestly, we’ve had enough:

See you at the stitch n’ bitch, lil’ homies!

Posted by MC Yarn & DJ Thimble

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Even the High Road is Low

You mean this man doesn't take his craft seriously?

This is what it means to take the high road in the NBA:

Josh Howard, following his trade from Dallas to Washington, announced he desires to “stick it to Dallas” for trading him away. Mark Cuban, our high-road-traveler, outwardly responded:

I wish Josh nothing but the best.″

Then the Mavericks leaked information that Howard likes to get his drink on before games. And not only that, there’s a spot in DC that makes him particularly thirsty. Just ’cause you take the high road doesn’t mean you can’t do some low slouching, eh Mavs?!

It's not like JH is the only one.

Posted by BA Brokeass.

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Videos By Brokeass: A Friday Tradition Is Born

Russell Westbrook, literally about to dunk in a dude's face.

Thing about Brokeass is, he’s a mu’fuckin’ renaissance man. Like Leonardo da Vinci or Danny Devito in that movie. He ain’t just a wordsmith, Kid’s got a multitude of skills, and just because he is me doesn’t mean he . . . I . . . .We . . . Damn, I’m starting to confuse myself.

Let’s stop this charade (or as I call it, Sherrod). I’ve been making basketball videos lately and I’m gonna keep making them and you’re gonna watch them and keep watching them every Friday at this very location until I tell you it’s alright to stop. Sounds like a decent plan? It’s at least better than Sacramento’s. Oh wait, my bad, I forgot they got Jarred Jeffries. Problems solved, Sacto.

Here’s the first of many Friday videos to come. It’s OKC’s Russell Westbrook faking not even a lick of the funk on some extremely nasty dunks. Let’s do this y’all! GET PUMPED!

Doesn’t that make you wanna go out and fight dudes? Do it! You have my permission! Videos By Brokeass y’all! Re-Tweet that shit!

Posted by BA Brokeass.

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Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone

LB used this opportunity to give the photographer a few pointers on position and technique.

Once in a really great while someone says something about basketball better than Brokeass or Dubbs can. Once in a lifetime it’s Tyson Chandler. This is that rarest of moments. Ty-Ty wrote a very nice blog post articulating what it is that makes Larry Brown such an effective coach. Which means someone else probably wrote it for him. Maybe LB himself. Maybe it was Dubbs. No matter who penned the post, it really hits the nail on the head. Here are a few choice paragraphs.

BASKETBALL 24/7
Coach Brown has shown me the dedication every day that it takes to be great. It’s about understanding the passion and knowledge that you have to have to be great. The way he talks about the game is totally different from anybody I’ve ever heard talk about it.

The way he breaks things down, the way he looks at mechanics, the way he understands why guys are great scorers or great rebounders. Everything he does is from studying and that’s something I have learned from him.

For example, I’ll shoot a hook shot or a short jump shot and I’ll make it and he’ll come back and say, “Oh Tyson, come on, you have to get the ball in your fingertips.”

After he says something like that it feels uncomfortable. But then I’ll shoot it and miss it and he’ll say, “great shot.” Your first reaction is to say: “What are you talking about, great shot? I just missed that.”

But I’ve come to the realization that he understands that it doesn’t matter if you miss it that particular time. If you continue to shoot the ball the right way and you get to the point where you shoot the same way every single time, you’re going to make a higher percentage. It works out better than if you’re shooting half the time one-way and half the time another.

It’s just stuff like that that he’s a stickler on. He’s a stickler on you doing things the right way every single time.

Every player I’ve talked to that has ever played for him says: “You’re going to understand how great he is when you don’t have him.”

You said it, Ty-Chan. And it’s never going to happen again. Seriously, Dubbs, did you write this?!

"You're clapping wrong, Tyson!" - LB

Posted by BA Brokeass.

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All The Above: The Evan Turner Story

A thousand pardons to John Wall and his thick cru, I don’t bow down before future kings. Sure, many great college players go on to have great professional careers, but dominating pimply white kids only guarantees you’d make a decent Gap assistant manager. Nope, I don’t get wet in the panties over the next big thing and I certainly won’t anoint anyone the savior of basketball who hasn’t played a single game at the highest level.

Unless it’s Evan Turner. He’s the savior of basketball! Want proof? Talk is cheap. ORIGINAL BROKEASS VIDEO!!! 

  

Seriously y’all, his game is like Old Skool Grant Hill and New Skool Gerald Wallace had a baby. No, he’s not their actual baby, silly! He doesn’t even share one of their last names! I just said it’s LIKE that. Though Grant Hill does seem like a dude who would have a baby with another dude. And Gerald Wallace seems like a dude who could be tricked into having a baby with another dude. So it’s possible. And if it does happen those two would be lucky to have a baby like Evan Turner and I will be happy to call it the future savior of basketball.  

Basketballheads know what I'm talking about.

Posted by BA Brokeass.

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Cut Down the Nets

I'd rather date Snooki.

Clearly they’re phoning it in in Jersey right now. The Nets are waiting by the phone for their landlord in Brooklyn to tell them the new digs are ready and that Lebron will be picking up John Wall and meeting them with the keys. And while someday the Nets just might be the biggest boast in the borough Biggie built, for now they remain the most embarrassing thing in the Garden State. And no, I’m not forgetting about Jersey Shore.

Last month, for a column in ESPN the Magazine’s “Fan Edition,” the essentially-coachless Nets allowed a fan to call a play in a blowout loss to the Celtics. The play failed less awfully than the plays called by professionals, and so this month the Nets are offering a fan the chance to coach an entire game. If this sounds familiar it’s because you are one of the unforunate souls who paid witness to the Whoopi Goldberg atrocity “Eddie.”

Egads, what a situation. Uh-oh. I just broke the cardinal rule: Never mention New Jersey and “Situation” in the same blog post. Because now this is going to happen…

What a specifically shitty time to live in the state already referred to as America’s Toilet. You know it’s bad when you’re getting pity from Detroit.

Posted by BA Brokeass

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